WEEK 13 PREVIEW (LenDale White's THANKSGIVING DAY SPECIAL)

WEEK 13 PREVIEW (LenDale White's THANKSGIVING DAY SPECIAL)

Welcome to the LenDale White Thanksgiving Day Special. Mr. White recently spouted off to the media about his lack of playing time during last weeks game. Well guess what folks, he's not done spouting off and has a special message for all team owners.

MATT BEVERS vs CHUCK SOUKUP
These 2 Bitter Rivals face each other one more time. The Bevers better bring a bucket of rabbits feet for this one because he's gonna need a lot of luck on his side to take down the Burger Kings who refuse to call it quits. The Burger Kings are taking their much improved team to Boston and won't be sitting down to have a tea party either. Matt recently posted a 122 points on the board against the Las Vegas Nuggets. If Randy Moss and Matt Forte continue putting up big numbers he could be tough to beat. However, the Kings have LenDale White going on Thanksgiving and he's facing the Detroit Lions who have the worst rush defense in the league. LenDale White recently spoke out saying, "I plan on giving the Bevers a Thanksgiving Punch In The Mouth." Matt Bevers recently prank called Chuck at work pretending to be a girl. After hearing about that, LenDale White responded with, "I ain't got no problem puching a girl in the mouth! Happy Thanksgiving motherf%*@er!"
BURGER KINGS win by anywhere between 20 to 60 points.

TOAST vs. HEAT
The Toast still rank at the top of the power rankings and is still in 3rd place in the Eastern Conference. Why you ask? Maybe it has something to do with the Coach who is also the Team Owner? If the Toast don't make the playoffs with the talent they have this season, Don might need to hire an expert to handle the coaching aspects of the game. You can have the most talented team, but if you don't have a great motivator, you won't win. The Heat continue to stay in 2nd place but are facing a very talented team who put up 126 points last week. Can they outscore the highest scorer in the league? The Heat need to stay one game ahead of the Kings because the Kings hold the tie breaker to make the playoffs. Last week the Heat put up 94 points without Kurt Warner or Cutler at the helm. On a side note: the team owner of the Toast sent a video email making fun of the Burger Kings. LenDale White responded by saying, "Open wide for my Toasted Knuckle Sandwich Bitch!"
TOAST by 15pts

BUNNIES vs VEGAS
Las Vegas has nothing to play for after being mathmatically eliminated from the playoffs. The Bunnies hold the top spot in the Western Conference with a 6-6 record. He must keep winning because the Heat and Burger Kings are on his tail. Vegas is the 4th power ranked team and Bunnies are 3rd. Last week Michael Turner put up 31 points towards the teams total 97 in the loss to the powerful Gila Monsters. The Bunnies put up 72 points on offense and are currently rank #1 in offensive power ranking. The Bunnies are going to be tough to stop. The Bunnies recently made a jab at the Burger Kings and the Bevers by saying, "Teams with team owners from Metra all suck!" LenDale White from the Burger Kings responded with, "Don't make me Punch a Bunnie in the mouth on Thanksgiving!"
BUNNIES by 5

GILAS vs MONKEY BUTTS
The Gilas are facing a team that has nothing to play for and the Gilas are still looking unstoppable. The Gilas currently hold the best regular season record at 9-3. The Monkey Butts once held the top spot for a few weeks but the team has faded in recent weeks due to starting roster issues. However, the Monkey Butts should not be overlooked with such talent as Adrian Peterson and Marion Barber. The Gilas are currently #2 in the power rankings and keep rolling past teams week after week. The Monkey Butts and Gilas haven't made negative attacks against the Kings but LenDale White spoke out to both teams saying, "You guys should give Thanks that I'm not punching you in the mouth."
GILAS by 8

Week 12 Recap

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
The Beavers were tired of hearing about how their last place team was pulling horseshoes out of their ass week after week to somehow score just enough to beat the opposition. The Beavers decided to flex their tail this week, unleashing a deadly combination of Randy Moss and rookie Matt Forte. The two combined for 45 of a new FFLA offensive scoring record 92pts. While they only scored 27pts on defense, they didn’t even need one, as Las Vegas scored less points total (79) than the Beavers offense. After losing to the Beavers, Las Vegas has been officially eliminated from playoff competition. Their season of bad luck continued this week, watching a Boston team put up triple digits for only the 3rd time all season, twice against them, both resulting in Vegas losses. Even with Romo and Willie Parker finally healthy again, they were no match for lady luck.

Butts in the Toilet
The game Compton needed to win came at a good time. Only posting a measly 83pts would’ve only been good enough to beat the two last place teams—fourtunatly they were playing one of them this week in Monee. Despite Frank Gore’s 26yds rushing and LenDale White’s -1yd rushing, they were able to score 49pts on offense and grind out a much needed win against the battered Monkey Butts. This win vaults them into a tie (for now) for 2nd place with the Heat and only one behind the division leading Bunnies. As for Monee, a week after being eliminated from the playoffs they appeared to mail in the game this week. Only 2 players were in double digits and they had a combined 3pts from their receiving group. Monee ended up with more points on defense than offense, and their players appear to have packed it in for the winter.

Bunnies Get Burnt
This matchup pitted the #1 Bunny offense against the #1 Toast defense, but in the end it was the other side of the ball that made the difference. The Toast were able to hang with Carson City’s powerhouse offense, led by Michael Turner’s 4TDs, to match their output at 72. Each team had 4 men in double digits. However, on the defensive side the Toast hit their average with 54pts, but the Bunnies could not match that total, scoring just 22pts. Urlacher led the Bunnies with 7pts, but got little production from everyone else. The Toast, on the other hand, were led once again by Trent Cole’s 11pts and had no member of its defense with less than 6pts.

New Look, Same Result
Once upon a time, this game would’ve been the rematch of rivals Tom and Steve. There would’ve been 14 people dropped and picked up during the week and 5 players stolen at 9:59pm on Thursday night. This week however was strangely quiet on the free agent front, but despite the new looks for each team, the game played out to the same result: a Gila Monster victory. The Heat attempted a new strategy for this week, starting 2nd year man Brady Quinn and benching team captain Brian Westbrook. Unfourtunatly for the Heat, Brady looked about as bad as his old college team, ending up with -2 offensive points. On the bright side, their decision to bench Westbrook in favor of their other RBs paid off as Jones and Williams led the scoring, but they were just outmatched by Cal City. Going into Monday Night the Gilas needed 13pts from their QB and WR. So the went out and got 34pts to make certain they got the win, and kept a hold on their lead in the division. Anyone is capable of being upset at any time, and a loss like that could’ve shifted the balance of power in both conferences. The final two weeks could play out as scripted, but watch out for an unexpected upset or two to completely throw everything up for grabs.

Playoff Scenarios

With just three weeks left in the regular season, it’s time to start thinking playoffs. Nearly everyone is still alive for a playoff birth, but multiple scenarios still exist to determine who those teams will be. Here is a look at each team’s chances and what has to happen between now and December 8th.


EASTERN CONFERENCE

Cal City Gila Monsters
Record: 8-3 (1st place, Eastern Division)
Remaining Schedule: Heat(5-6), Monkey Butts(4-7), Burger Kings(4-7)
Conference Record: 5-0
Power Ranking: 2nd (Off: 4th , Def: 2nd)
Tie Breakers Held: Toast, Beavers (head-to-head)
What needs to Happen: 2 wins takes the division.
Outlook: The Gilas hold all the cards, with a 1-game lead and all the tie breakers. They play no team over .500 the rest of the way, so barring complete collapse they have the division sewn up.

Boston Beavers
Record: 7-4 (T-2nd place, Eastern Conference)
Remaining Schedule: Nuggets (3-8), Burger Kings(4-7), Bunnies(6-5)
Conference Record: 3-3
Power Ranking: 7th (Off: 6th , Def: 7th)
Tie Breakers Held: Monkey Butts (head-to-head), Toast (conference record)
What needs to Happen: Their magic number is 3 combined wins and Toast losses to make the playoffs. Magic number 5 combined wins and Cal City losses to take the division.
Outlook: The tie-break against the Toast is key. If they win out they don’t need help and still have an outside chance at the division title. The final game against the Bunnies could be huge.

Champaign Toast
Record: 7-4 (T-2nd place, Eastern Conference)
Remaining Schedule: Bunnies(6-5), Heat(5-6), Nuggets(3-8)
Conference Record: 2-4
Power Ranking: 1st (Off: 2nd, Def: 1st)
Tie Breakers Held: Monkey Butts (offensive points)
What needs to Happen: Their magic number is 4 combined wins and Beaver losses to make the playoffs. Magic number 5 combined wins and Cal City losses to take the division.
Outlook: They hold no tie-breakers, so even if they win out they will still need some help to get into the playoffs. Toughest schedule of the three, they have no margin for error.

Monee Monkey Butts
Record: 4-7 (4th place, Eastern Conference)
Remaining Schedule: Burger Kings(4-7), Gila Monsters(8-3), Heat(5-6)
Conference Record: 1-4
Power Ranking: 6th (Off: 7th , Def: 6th)
Tie Breakers Held: none
What needs to Happen: No mathematical way to make the playoffs.
Outlook: The best they can do is 7-7 and a 3-way tie with the Beavers and Toast for 2nd place. In that scenario, the Beavers would take the playoff spot with their better conference record.


WESTERN CONFERENCE

Carson City Bunnies
Record: 6-5 (1st place, Western Conference)
Remaining Schedule: Toast(7-4), Nuggets(3-8), Beavers(7-4)
Conference Record: 4-1
Power Ranking: 3rd (Off: 1st , Def: 5th)
Tie Breakers Held: Kings (head-to-head), Heat, Nuggets (conference record)
What needs to Happen: One win clinches the playoffs, two wins takes the division.
Outlook: They hold their own destiny (and all the tie breaks) in their hands. Despite the two tough eastern conference games, they just need to take care of business against the Nuggets and go 1-1 against the East to win the division.

Tempe Heat
Record: 5-6 (2nd place, Western Conference)
Remaining Schedule: Gila Monsters(8-3), Toast(7-4), Monkey Butts(4-7)
Conference Record: 3-3
Power Ranking: 7th (Off: 3rd , Def: 8th)
Tie Breakers Held: Nuggets (head-to-head)
What needs to Happen: Their magic number is 3 combined wins and Compton losses to make the playoffs. Magic number 5 combined wins and Carson City losses to take the division.
Outlook: They’ve lost 3 in a row and have to play the two toughest teams in the league the next two weeks. Still, if they can somehow manage to go 2-1, in the Western conference they have a shot to make the playoffs.

Compton Burger Kings
Record: 4-7 (3rd place, Western Conference)
Remaining Schedule: Monkey Butts(4-7), Beavers(7-4), Gila Monsters(8-3)
Conference Record: 3-3
Power Ranking: 5th (Off: 8th , Def: 3rd)
Tie Breakers Held: Heat (head-to-head)
What needs to Happen: Their magic number is 4 combined wins and Heat losses to make the playoffs. Magic number 6 combined wins and Carson City losses to take the division.
Outlook: The tie breaker against the Heat is huge, however they still have to make up a game on the Heat to get there. The Monkey Butts might come into play as a spoiler if either team ends up losing to them. Realistically, Compton needs to pull off an upset vs. the East to get in.

Las Vegas Nuggets
Record: 3-8 (4th place, Western Conference)
Remaining Schedule: Beavers(7-4), Bunnies(6-5), Toast(7-4)
Conference Record: 2-3
Power Ranking: 4th (Off: 5th , Def: 4th)
Tie Breakers Held: Burger Kings (offensive points)
What needs to Happen: Their magic number is 6 combined wins and Heat losses (plus at least one Compton loss) to make the playoffs.
Outlook: They need a minor miracle to make the playoffs, but they are still alive. They also have the toughest remaining schedule, which does not help. The Heat hold the head-to-head tie-break over them, which just makes things tougher. The one advantage they have is in the event that there is a 3-way tie for 2nd , first tie break could not be resolved and all three teams are tied for the 2nd tie-break (given they beat the Bunnies in wk13), they would need to outscore the Heat by 27pts (offensive) by the end of the season in order to win the 3rd tie-break.

WEEK 11 PREVIEW

TOAST vs BURGER KINGS
The most anticipated game of the year. The Compton Burger Kings lost in the last meeting 122-121. The Toast is the highest scoring team in the league but the Kings are making a last minute surge to turn their team around. It's going to be a tough game for the Kings but his team is much improved since the addition of Brandon Marshall and LenDale White. The Toast have been the most consistent team all season and makes a low number of player transactions. He currently only has $6.00 in cuts which is tied for the lowest in the league. The Burger Kings have already noticed a scoring shennegan. Mr. Osborne has put Gary Brackett in my starting lineup but I clearly removed him. WTF. TOAST by 10

BUNNIES vs BUTTS
The Bunnies are tied for the lead in the Western Conference and only 1 game ahead of the Burger Kings. He has a good team, despite the prank call he received from an annonymous Metra Employee who I plan on finding. The Monkey Butts are also a good team but he just needs a new team owner who knows how to submit starting rosters. I think this week he's learned his lesson and could come out looking strong. However, he's going to have to get past the #3 power ranked Bunnies to get a win. The Monkey Butts are currently last in their division and need a win with only 4 games remaining in the regular season. BUNNIES by 6

NUGGETS vs GILA MONSTERS
The Las Vegas nuggets are on a 2 game winning streak. Can he continue the streak against the #2 power ranked Gilas? I sure the hell hope he can't. He's currently riding up the ass of the Burger Kings and it's making Chuck nervous. The Nuggets are still in last place but his overall scoring statistics indicate he's a much better team than his record. The Gila Monsters have the best regular season record at 7-3. He seems unstoppable, even against the mighty Toast. It's looking more and more like he will be the Eastern Conference Champ. The Nuggets need this win bad because he can't afford to go 3-8 in the Conference.. GILAS by 9

BEAVERS vs HEAT
This is the closest matchup of the week. Both teams have been neck and neck in the power rankings all season. They are the bottom 2 teams in the rankings so this could be a very boring game. The Beavers jumped out to a 14-3 lead after the Thursday Night game. Somehow the Beavers have a winning record at 6-4. The Heat are currently tied for the lead in their Conference at 5-5. Can the Beavers continue the luck? Can the Heat maintain the lead in the conference with the Burger Kings on their heels?

WEEK 10 RECAP

DOWN TO THE WIRE!
With Week 10 completed we only have 4 more regular season games left.

In the Eastern Conference, the Gilas Monsters are looking more and more like a power house with a 7-3 record. The Toast continue to brag about their power rankings and the Beavers are in denial that he's at the bottom of the power rankings. The Monee Monkey Butts keep shooting themselves in the foot with Starting Roster Errors and now they are last in the conference.

In the Western Conference, the Bunnies are tied for the lead with the Heat with a 5-5 record. The Compton Burger Kings are making a turn for the better, along with the Las Vegas Nuggets who could potentially finish with a .500 record. The conference looks very weak compared to the Eastern teams.

WEEK 10 RECAP

BUNNIES vs GILAS

The Gilas took down the best team in the Western Conference with a score of 110 to 104. The Eastern Conference is dominating the league in the power rankings. Keith Shroeder could have potentially inherited a championship team in week 10. Maurice Jones Drew scored 23 for the Gilas while Peyton Manning scored 17 for the Bunnies. This loss put the Bunnies in a tie for the Western Conference lead with the Heat at 5-5.

BURGER KINGS vs HEAT

The Compton Burger Kings backed up the trash talk with a big win in week 10. The Kings needed this win to stay in the hunt for the Championship. The Heat missed out on an opportunity to take sole possession of 1st place in the Western Conference. The Heat came up big on offense with 20pts from Kurt Warner and 27pts from Thomas Jones. The Burger Kings provided a more balanced attack with 61pts on offense and 52pts on defense. The Heat fell apart big time on defense only scoring 22pts and that was the difference in the game.

MONKEY BUTTS vs NUGGETS

The Nuggets have put together a 2 game winning streak winning 105 to 99 over the Monkey Butts. The Nuggets took advantage of another Starting Roster Error by the Monee Monkey Butts when the team owner failed to remove Elvis Dumervil before Thusdays game. If the Butts would have switched Aaron Kampman into the lineman he would have gotten the win. The Nuggets have been talking a lot of trash lately and have been backing it up with wins. Can he finish with a .500 record?

TOAST vs BEAVERS

The Toast are the true power house of the league, even though I don't like to admit this. He is dominating in all categories in the power rankings. That hasn't always translated into wins, but his week it did against the Beavers. The Beavers never stood a chance against the Toast this week because it's hard to compete against 138pts. The Beavers have been hovering around the bottom of the power rankings all season and have been squeeking out wins. Power rankings don't always tell the whole story but this time they did.

WEEK 10 PREVIEW

TOAST vs BEAVERS
The Toast have home field advantage and a number of other advantages this week. The Toast have been dominating this league and currently rank #1 in offense and #1 in defense. They have scored a total of 953 points this year and average an impressive 105.9 points per game. The Beavers are currently last in the power rankings and scored a total of 769 points with an average of 85.4 points per game. If that wasn't enough bad news, the Beavers are going without Clinton Portis due to a bye week. This almost seems like a guaranteed win for the Toast, but that's why we play the games. TOAST by 21

HEAT vs BURGER KINGS
The Heat have gained more respect since the return of Brian Westbrook from an injury. Both teams are very close in the power rankings so they are equally as bad. The Burger Kings had an impressive day from 2 players on Thursday Night and have jumped out to a 25 to 0 lead including home field advantage. Just this week the Burger Kings team owner made an outrageous claim that he would make a comeback. This statement was not backed up by any evidence and was immediately dismissed as more Shenanegans. However, this win is very crucial if the Compton Burger Kings do intend on making a comeback. This game may come down to the Quarterbacks. The Heat have had better luck at the Quarterback position and the Kings could very well be last in Quarterback production. However, Brett Farve is going against the 28th ranked passing defense and Kurt Warner will be facing the 19th ranked passing defense.
KINGS by 1

GILAS vs. BUNNIES
This is another very close macthup, the only difference here is both team are good. The Gila Monsters were just recently taken over by new team owner Keith Shroeder. He has inherited a very good team that is currently in 1st place in the Eastern Conference (6-3). The Bunnies are also in 1st place in the Western Conference (5-4). This game has hugh implications. If the Gilas lose and the Toast win, they will be tied for 1st place with the Toast. If the Bunnies win and the Kings win, they can separate from the rest of the division by 1 game. This game can go either way but I'm picking the Bunnies due to home field advantage. BUNNIES BY 2

MONKEY BUTTS vs NUGGETS
The Butts are on a 4 game losing streak and the Las Vegas Nuggets finally broke out of a 4 game losing streak. The Nuggets could potentially finish with a .500 record this season and are not mathmatically eliminated to make the playoffs, thanks to a lackluster conference. The Butts started the season out promising but had a few starting roster errors that cost him some games. The Monkey Butts are lower in the power rankings than the Nuggets so could potentially go on 5 game losing streak. However, the Butts had a very good Thursday Night getting 20 points from his tight end Kellen Winslow. Will the Nuggets be able to overcome such big production from a tight end? The Nuggets do have momentum on their side.
NUGGETS by 1

Week 9 Recap

Cal City with the inside track
The new Cal City owner should like what he sees, now that the Monsters have pulled off a sweep of both Boston and Champaign. With a share of the division lead, they now have the inside track toward the division title. Cal City put together another solid performance this week to hold off a hot Toast team that scored triple digits. The Gilas were led by their monsterous defense, putting up 68 defensive points including both D-linemen in double digits. The Toast managed to outscore the Gilas on offense, but their 104pt performance was just not enough. In two games this season, Champaign has scored a total of 223pts against Cal City, good enough to come up on the short end both times.

Beavers pull off the Butt Sweep
The suddenly silent killer has struck again. Boston’s owner seems to know how to minimize his involvement in order to maximize team performance. His motto, “just score enough to win, baby”. The Monkeys have submitted to the Beavers twice this season, by a total of 5pts, and although it seemed like Boston’s Monday Night players didn’t have a good day, they got the job done scoring only what they had to in order to win. The Beavers find ways to win on a total team effort and had only one player in double digits this week, Clinton Portis, who needed 3 defensive points to pull off that feat. For Monee, it seems as though coaching mistakes have cost them some games this season, which may cause their team owner to make a change at season’s end. The fans are calling for the team to hire a coach that can get better production out of his players. The ability seems to be there; it might be that the missing piece to a championship run is hiring the right person to manage the starting lineup.

A Nugget in the Rough
The Nuggets owner had enough of the rough season his 1-7 team was having, so he decided to do something about it. All week he poked, jabbed, dinged, slammed and ridiculed, without compunction, the team from Compton and their owner. This unorthodox tactic seemed to work as the Nuggets went to Compton and got into the Kings heads just enough to eek out a 1pt victory. The win gives Las Vegas two on the season and a glimmer of hope that their luck might be turning enough to get out of the basement. Recently traded Donovan McNabb got back at his old team, leading the offensive scoring for the Nuggets. Meanwhile, Compton continued to have running back issues, with Steven Jackson scoring as much as the waterboy, and newly acquired LenDale White putting up as many points as years given to him in his new contract. Their QB situation is not much better, with Big Ben’s injury at halftime costing the Kings the game. Their 5-man QB monopoly on draft day seems to have dwindled down to 2 inconsistent, healthy ones down the stretch. This loss puts Compton just one game out of last place.

Bunnies cool off the Heat
Brian Westbrook couldn’t help Tempe this time as the Bunnies avenged their earlier season loss to the Heat to pull into a tie with them for first place. The rudderless Heat may now be showing signs of everything catching up with them, with a poor 70pt performance and only 18 defensive points. Carson City, on the other hand, is showing that it may be the top dog in the West, putting together a solid performance despite the benching of Payton Manning for Matt Schaub, who racked up -1pt before getting injured. Despite their QB issues, they were able to score 92pts, the highest total of any Western Conference team in Week 9. The Bunnies are now 4-1 against the West, with only one game remaining in conference.

WEEK 9 PREVIEW

BURGERS versus McNUGGETS
A lot of trash talking between the 2 worst teams in FFLA league history. The McNuggets feel they have a fighting chance against the team with the worst power ranking in the league. However, don't count the Burger Kings out yet, they still have 1 bullet left in the chamber. The Las Vegas McNuggets are feeling very confident this week, sending numerous threatening emails to the team owner of the Burger Kings. Talk is cheap Mr. Osborne, Sr., why don't you stop talking and start learning how to win Bagadouche!!!!

GILA MONSTERS EAT TOAST FOR BREAKFAST
The win streak will end for the Toast. I have no evidence to back this statement up. I just want Don to lose because his ego needs to be deflated. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR #1 POWER RANKING.

BEAVERS AND BUTTS - Part Duex
The Beavers need to lose because his ego needs to be deflated also. Mr. Beavers wishes Tom and Steve were still in the league because he secretly loved to hate them. The Monkey Butts have been quiet this year and are on a 3 game losing streak. Can he turn it around against the Beavers? If he can't turn it around, I've heard of worse tragedies.

BUNNIES IN HEAT AGAIN
The Battle of the top 2 teams in the Western Conference. I hate both of them and wish they both would lose. Unfortunately, that is not possible so I don't really care what happens. All that matters is my team sucks and life ain't fair.

Week 8 Recap

Hang on to your Butts
The freefall continues for the men from Monee. With 3 players recording 0pts and two with 1pt this week, they managed just 65 total points and were doubled up by the Toast. Champaign set an FFLA scoring record this week with 139pts, 4pts short of both the offensive and defensive scoring records. Their offense alone managed to outscore the entire Monee team, with 5 players in double digits. The defense held up their end as well with 61pts, and the team seems to be clicking on all cylinders. This victory moves the Toast past the Butts for the first time this season.

What the hell?
Boston thought they had the game wrapped up with 3 men playing on Monday night, trailing by only 6. When the Beavers laid an egg on Monday, unable to score the measly 6pts they needed, the Gilas thought they sealed the victory. But the Beavers rose from the dead again with a scoring error correction that allowed them to slip past the Monsters for a 4pt victory. Back up the truck, the Monsters had one bullet left and used it on Philip Rivers’ scoring correction to beat the Beavers by 8. For now….

Bunnies do some housework
Carson City gets the series sweep over Compton, with a 21pt win. Same outcome but different story from Week 1 when the Bunnies used their powerhouse offense and Michael Turner to kill the Kings, Carson City put together a completely balanced attack this time around (56pts from both O and D) with only 3pts from Turner. Even though Compton actually had positive points from Favre this week, their team is still hurting from the loss of Larry Johnson and Steven Jackson and weak production from its wide receivers. Brandon Marshall was on a bye, but the Kings seem to be fading fast in the West as more dominant teams appear to be taking control of the division.

Who the heck needs a kicker
Someone forgot to tell Brian Westbrook this game was about the kickers. After a kicker controversy sent two team owners packing just hours before Sunday’s kickoff, the Nuggets hoped this was the beginning of the good luck they needed to turn their season around. Unfortunately, what the former Heat owner should have been concentrating on was the return of their star player, as Westbrook injected the offense with 25pts, sending them over the century mark for the first time since he left with injury. As weak as the Heat have been all season, they somehow remain in 1st place and as long as Westbrook stays healthy, could be tough to overtake down the stretch. For the Nuggets, the dream appears to be just about over for this season, they might need to start planning for 2009.

WEEK 8 NEWS AND PREVIEW

Drama Queen Week
The 2 most controversial team owners bail from the league over a bizarre rules dispute. The Team Owners of the Tempe Arizona Heat and the Calumet City Gila Monsters were up to their Shenanigans again late on a Thursday Night. Both teams were online attempting to outbid the Las Vegas Nuggets on a Kicker (Matt Bryant 4 years), when the Nuggets were able to submit a last minute bid for another Kicker (Jon Carney). This outraged the Heat Team Owner which set off a chain of events that led to the departure of both teams (BFF). The Gilas Monsters departure was mighty suspicious considering he built up $72.00 in cut fees that he never paid. Both teams were left behind in some serious cap and debt issues. Neither team has any flexibility and will have to finish the season with the roster that is currently in place. The future team owner who takes over this team will be at a disadvantage.

This negative news was followed up by some good news when an interim team owner (Pam Haug) was found to help manage the Tempe Arizona Heat for the remaining of the season. The Gilas Monsters Starting Roster will be submitted by Commissioner Soukup.

TOASTY BUTTS - THE SEQUEL
Will the Toast get revenge on the Monkey Butts? The Toast have a big advantage considering the Monkey Butts are going without their #1 running back Adrian Peterson and the Sackmaster Aaron Kampman. The Toast are going without running back Ryan Grant but he has been mostly a non-factor this year anyways. I'm predicting another victory for the Toast which would put him on a 5 game winning streak and the Monkey Butts on a 3 Game Losing Streak. The Toast started the season on a 3 game losing streak so no one predicted he would turn around such a dismal start. Toast by 7

NOT MUCH OF A RIVAL NOW
Beavers versus the Gilas would normally be a heated rivalry but without Tom Gunnum at the helm the Beavers have no one to smack talk. Commissioner Soukup will be running the Gilas roster and will be happy to run the #2 Power Ranked Team. The Beavers on the other hand have been getting lucky week after week and are ranked 4th in the Power Rankings. Matt Beavers is going with out Matt Forte this week and is at a disadvantage. Gilas by 11

BURGERS SERVED AT THE BUNNIE RANCH
The Burger Kings lost in the 1st meeting with the Bunnies and needs to get a win to move ahead in the standings. The Burger Kings are going without Brandon Marshall and Bernard Berrian. The Bunnies are missing 4 key defensive players (Jared Allen, Brian Urlacher, Champ Bailey and Nick Collins). It appears to be a close matchup but the Bunnies have been a a more consistent team this year and have the potential to score a lot of points. I think this game will come down to the wire. Bunnies by 3

LAS VEGAS NEEDS A WIN BAD
The Nuggets are 1-6 and will face the interim team owner Pam Haug this week. After Steve's official departure, the league just got a whole lot more competitive with Pam Haug at the helm. The new owner has little to work with, so her job performance will not be criticized heavily. The Nuggets are in dire need of a win and will stop at nothing to get one. Team Owner Don Osborne, Sr. was involved in the controvery surrounding the departure of 2 teams from the league and I believe this was his master plan all along. Nuggets by 6

Week 7 Recap

Crapped Out
The bad luck continues for the Nuggets. Going into the game with no options at QB, Romo’s decision to end his consecutive games played streak proved to be the difference. Despite a well balanced attack and 4 guys in double digits, they came up 8pts short, which would’ve been reachable had they been able to aquire Kyle Orton. The Toast on the other hand, are now running on a 4 game winning streak after their 0-3 start and have battled back into a 3-way tie for 2nd place in the East. Led by runaway train Brandon Jacobs they continue their top dog spot in the power rankings and would’ve reached triple digits again had they realized Philly was on a bye this week.


Carson City suffering from too much Beaver
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the team with the best record in the league through 7 weeks, YOUR Boston Beeeeevers! Who the hell would’ve predicted this one? With the most solid performance to date the Beavers have turned into a powerhouse, sporting 5 players in double digits and scoring a whopping 67 offensive points. Congratulations as well to Ben Watson for finally tallying his first points of the season in his 7th start. Carson City had no shot in this one, already dealing with Michael Turner’s bye week and going without an active kicker, they had to watch their #1 ranked offense lay a stink bomb at the hands of Payton Manning. Their faint Monday Night hopes were dashed quickly when Randy Moss decided to use Champ Bailey as his personal bitch, breaking out with 2 TD’s and his best game of the season.

Monster Mash – Ghetto Remix
Heavily favored Cal City went into Compton looking for an easy win against the beaten up Kings. They did manage to rattle Favre into a 0pt performance and rack up 65pts on the defensive end, however, their putrid offensive output was the difference. Drew Brees’ day wasn’t much better than Favre’s and the San Diego runningback combo proved to be a bad call, producing just 4pts combined. No player on the Gila offense managed to score more than 5pts. Compton’s acquisitions helped cement the victory with Dominic Rhodes matching the Gilas total offensive output and the return of Bernard Berrian leading the offensive attack. Despite the perceived notion that Compton is an awful place to visit, this marks just the first home victory for the Kings this year.


Burnin’ Butts
Apparently the Monee offense missed the team flight, or were left wandering the desert on the way to the game, as the Monkey Butts failed to field an active QB and kicker against Tempe. Offensive leader, Adrian Peterson, accidentally packed teammate Plaxico Burress’ jersey rather than his own for the trip, forcing game officials to eject him prior to the start of the game for impersonating a disgruntled wide receiver. Running 3 men short on offense all game, Monee struggled to score points which ultimately led to its demise, hitting an all-time low 59 total points. Despite not reaching 80pts and starting 2 men who scored 0, Tempe cruised to its 4th win and sole possession of 1st place in the Western Conference.

Week 7 Preview

Champaign at Las Vegas
The Toast are riding a 3 game winning streak as they travel to Nevada to take on the unlucky Nuggets. Both teams can score in bunches and rank in the upper half of the power rankings, however both are currently in sole possession of last place in their respective divisions. The Toast have righted their ship after losing their best player in week 1 and have battled back to the .500 mark, while the Nuggets have found themselves at the wrong poker table for most of the season, coming in at a league worst 1-5. Quarterbacks could be the difference in this one as Eli Manning is coming back to face the team that traded him away earlier in the season. The Nuggets could use him now that Romo is out with a pinkie and newly acquired McNabb is on bye. They are forced to look to Kyle Orton to at least get them through this week, but the way their luck has been going, this could be another tough week for the Nuggets.
Toast by 6

Carson City at Boston
The Beavers have been unusually quiet this week after a big win in Compton. Rumor has it that their team bus was overturned on their way outta Compton after the game and while no fatalities were reported, the Boston trainers had to work overtime this week to address the team’s medical needs. They hope their deadly Rivers/Portis/Forte combo will be healthy enough for the game to keep that Beaver Train a-rollin. The Bunnies come into the game with no Micheal Turner, which is a huge blow to their #1 ranked offense, however, the resurgence of Ronnie Brown and improving play of Payton might pick up the slack this week. Carson City holds a huge statistical advantage on paper, but you can never count out a lucky Beaver, especially at home.
Beavers by 1

Cal City at Compton
Word out of Calumet City this week is that a new support group has sprung up in the community: “The United Players Cut by Cal City”. Group founder of UPCCC, Leodis McLovin, a 2-time Cal City cut victim wanted to create a forum where former FFLA players that have experienced similar problems can go to share their thoughts and feelings. “I want them to know, they are not alone” McLovin said, “We all understand professional football is a business, but what some team owners don’t seem to understand is that what they see as turning a buck can negatively influence hundreds of people’s lives. Playing with my contract is like playing with my emotions.” McLovin also went on to say that he had a long, heart-to-heart chat with Bernard Berrian this week when the Gila Monsters decided to bid on him for a second time, after cutting him just 14 days ago. “I tried to warn him that there was a possibility of getting hurt again. Sometimes the love of the game blinds you from seeing the big picture. At least he is aware that when he gets cut again, our group will be here for him to get him through the pain.”
Cal City by 14

Monee at Tempe
The Heat have runningback issues (their best player Brian Westbrook is still dealing with injury problems) and wide receiver issues (traded away their best 2 WRs) and soon to have defensive line issues (looking to take on the Gila Monsters mistake and lock another 4 years up in a D-linemen). They are currently averaging 87 points per week, only 1 point more than the worst scoring team, and have not won since beating the Beavers in week 4. Despite all this, they currently sit in first place in the West with a tie-break over the Bunnies and in a league where a team averaging 10pts more than them has the worst record in the league, they are not in trouble by any means.
The Monkey Butts might be suffering from a hangover after they choked last week’s game and first place away on an Eric Wright INT on Monday night. Their QB position has been a concern all season and they finally decided to address it by cutting worthless Carson Palmer and picking up next-to-worthless Chad Pennington. Monee is also banged up in other areas; they are down to their last healthy TE, Shane Graham is hurt and their best defensive player, Charles Tillman, may not play this week. The Butts don’t have too many holes on their team, but if injuries continue to plague them, last week’s heartbreaker might be a sign of things to come.
Monee by 7

WEEK 6 RECAP

THRILLA IN THE GILA 2
This game came down to homefield advantage. The Gilas won by the 3 point home field advantage. They were led by Drew Brees (2opts) and newly acquired safety Eric Weddle (10pts). The Monkey Butts got 19pts out of Marion Barber but the homefield advantage gave the Gilas the edge they needed. The Gilas stole 1st place from the Monkey Butts in the Eastern Conference and are currently 2nd in the Power Rankings. The current total for spending for the Gila Monsters is $45.00. The currently total for spending on the Monkey Butts team is $0.00.

THE BEAVERS SURVIVE COMPTON
The Beavers pounded the Kings and were led by Clinton Portis (21pts) and Phillip Rivers (20pts). The Burger Kings were led by Frank Gore (13pts) and Backslash Jackson with (10pts). Another lackluster performance from the Burger Kings and a 3 game losing streak which started against the Toast. The Kings just recently acquired Brandon Marshall in a trade with the Las Vegas Nuggets to help revitalize his team. The Beavers went from last in the power rankings to 2nd to last. The Compton Burger Kings went to dead last in the Power Rankings.

ANOTHER TOUGH LOSS FOR VEGAS
The Las Vegas Nuggets scored 112pts but unfortunately for them the Bunnies had a good week with 117pts. The Nuggets are currently ranked 4th in the Power Rankings but can't catch a break. The Nuggets are hoping the newly acquired Donovan McNabb can help spark a turnaround. The Bunnies are currently in 2nd place in the Western Conference and are 2nd in the Power Rankings. Don't be deceived by the Bunnies good looks, they are a dangerous team. The Vegas odds for the Nuggets to have a turnaround are a sure bet.

TOAST SQUEEK OUT ANOTHER CLOSE VICTORY
The Toast win by 3pts against the Western Conference leader the Arizona Heat. The Toast team owner is the President of Statiscal Engineering for the league and is currently under investigation for his controversial scoring practices. Many in the league believe the scoring is awfully suspicious and should be scrutinized for errors in his favor. The Heat are currently 6th in the Power Rankings and continue to hold onto 1st place in their conference, despite losing 2 weeks in a row. Fortunately for him, his conference is not very strong at this point. The Toast are number 1 in the power rankings, which is also calculated by him and is also under investigation. More details on the scoring investigation will be provided when they become available.

Week 6 Preview

Cal City at Monee
The Monkey Butts take a drive South Side for this battle of Eastern Conference dominance. Cal City was able to bolster its already #1 ranked offense this week, picking up two top-of-the-rotation wide receivers for their rent-a-QB Kurt Warner and never-been-used TE Tony Schoeffler. This move comes just in time for a vital game with the Monkeys that could change the balance of power in the East. If their new players can solidify their weak spot at WR, the Gilas could become the team to beat. First, however, they’ll need to get past the current top dog, Monee Monkey Butts. Monee sports the best record in the league at 4-1, and have not allowed their opponents to get closer than 10pts in any of their wins. Take away the one bad week against Boston, and this team has been consistently dominant each week. While they are ranked 3rd in the power rankings, they have the 2nd best defense in the league (thanks to the Tillman, Brown, Maynard combo) and have yet to see that crazy point game from their #1 draft pick Adrian Peterson. If they can keep AP contained, the Gilas have a shot. This game is going to be a battle you’d likely see on the Animal Planet, feces might even be thrown before it’s over.
Gila Monsters by 4

Boston at Compton
It’s Beaver season in Compton. Kings fans are hungry for a win after last week’s bludgeoning dropped them to 2-3. Bad news for the Beavers, they aren’t in the back woods-- the Kings carry sawed-off shotguns and semi-automatics here. Even Compton’s owner has joined in on the intimidation this week by verbally assaulting the Boston owner in Al Davis fashion: “..this will be a murder story of a Beaver who made a wrong turn into South Central L. A., Baby.” These lucky Beavers come into Compton with a winning record despite the worst power ranking in the league. Their Stienbrenner-esque owner has pissed off nearly every other owner, has gotten bored with that and now turned on his own players, threatening to trade away two of the team’s best players (Randy Moss and Matt Forte). The Beavers may be lucky to get out of Compton alive if their horseshoe falls back out of their ass, and I get a feeling the rest of the league wouldn’t really care. The Burger Kings are not much better in terms of on-the-field performance, and are coming off a pounding from Monee last week. This team is finally starting to show its age after its hot start, having lost their last 2 games. Feasting on the Beavers might be the answer, but the way the team is playing right now, this matchup will be tough. The loser of this game might need to start planning for the funeral.
Burger Kings by 2


Carson City at Las Vegas
The Nuggets get on the bus and take a trip out to the Ranch this week to take on the Bunnies. Carson City is coming off a heartbreaking 2pt loss and are riding a 2-game losing streak. The Bunny owner does not like losing and sent a message to his ladies this week by cutting 3 players from the roster, including high profile names Joseph Addai and Roy Williams. They are looking to get more defensive, in an attempt to improve on their next to last defense that’s averaging only 36pts so far this season. It was also nice to see them trim their active punters down to 2. As the only team left with significant roster space, they are positioning themselves for a 2nd half surge, and if the West continues to be the weaker conference, this strategy might allow them to blow by their competition on route to a division championship. The Nuggets, on the other hand, are waiting for the Beavers to pass that horseshoe through their colon so they can jump on it. Vegas is now 1-4 and has the worst record in the league, despite their #5 power ranking. Offensively things are clicking, however they have the worst defense scoring less than 35pts per game, and their defense took another blow this week as EJ Henderson went on the IR. This lack of competence on defense looks to be the difference between 1-4 and at least 3-2, and the EJ Henderson injury cost them a close game last week. This game will sport similarly matched teams with their high octane offense and not much D, so the fans are in for a track meet. Expect to see lots of scoring with the lead switching hands often in the 2nd half. When the dust clears the game will be decided by less than a field goal.
Nuggets by 2


Champaign at Tempe
The Toast are looking to extend their 2-game winning streak as they head to the desert to take on the Heat. The Toast may be ranked #1 in the power rankings, but their opponents have scored over 100pts against them in 4 of the 5 games this season. The Heat, on the other hand, like to keep the scoring as low as the humidity, with 2 of their 3 wins coming when scoring less that 90pts. Both teams rely on defense to win games; Champaign boasts the #1 ranked defense and Tempe is #4. The difference in this matchup may be on offense. Westbrook may not play, and their trade with Cal City has weakened their already disappointing WR corp. To compensate for this, they went out and attempted to match 4 years on a Defensive Tackle. The Heat may be trying to win games with their defense alone, but until that group can put up 80pts by themselves their best chance may be to hope their opponents collapse of heatstroke running up and down the field in the Arizona sun.
Toast by 15

WEEK 5 RECAP

BEAVERS WIN BIG IN VEGAS
Another tough loss for the Las Vegas Nuggets. He's currently the only 1-4 team but it's not because he had a bad week. The Las Vegas Nuggets lost 102 - 96. Las Vegas is 5th in the power rankings and should soon catch a break. The Beavers continue to surprise the competition and is backing up his trash talk with big wins. He is in the toughest conference and is last in the power rankings.

BURGERS GET FLIPPED
The Monkey Butts continue to roll over the competition. This game was no challenge with the Burger Kings only putting up 68 total points. The worst performance by the Burger Kings all season with only 1 player reaching double digits. The Monkey Butts are 3rd in the power rankings and have the best record in the league at 4-1. This week Adrian Peterson didn't even help and he managed 99 points. This is certainly not the saddest day in Compton history considering our high murder rate, but it still hurts.

BUNNIES GET SLIGHTLY TOASTED
The Toast win again by a narrow margin 123 to 121. The Bunnies threatened to comb over the statistics looking for an error in scoring. The previous week the Burger Kings were unable to locate a scoring error and lost 122 - 121. The Toast currently are 1st in the Power Rankings but are last in their conference at 2-3. This week the Bunnies requested a song for the website "Whip It" by Devo. The song is a little gay, but Commissioner Soukup honored his request. Tough loss for the Bunnies but the Toast have been experiencing tough losses this year also.

THRILLA IN THE GILA
The Thrilla in the Gila ended in the 1st round with a knock out. The Heat wasn't even on and he lost 104 to 80. Westbrook is still hurting and only scored him 5 points. The Gila Monsters continue to dominate and are second in their division. The Gila Monsters should be in 1st with the money they have spent, but he's still a big contender and is currently 2nd in the power rankings.

WEEK 5 PREVIEW

The power rankings were released and the biggest surprise was that the Toast who is 1-3 was ranked 2nd in the league.

BURGERS AND BUTTS
Looks like the Butts are going to start the correct Quarterback this time instead of the injured Carson Palmer. Hopefully one the Burger Kings benched QBs don't score 6 Touchdowns again this week. The Monkey Butts have played more consistently and prove to be the better team. However, the Burger Kings are getting improved play from his swing position and wider receiver corp so this game should be close.

BUNNIES AND TOAST
The toast are coming off big win to keep them from going 0-4. The toast are ranked 2nd in the power rankings but have been unable to close games until week 4. The bunnies are coming off a tough loss against the monee monkey butts and they are currently ranked 6th in power rankings. I see the toast pulling out another victory.

HEAT AND GILAS
Thrilla in the Gila. Will all the money being spent by the Gilas help give him another win. Currently he has spent $33.00 in cut fees and he is in 2nd place in his division behind a team who has spent $0.00 in cut fees. The Heat has only spent $3.00 in cut fees but is in 1st place in his conference. Will the Gilas prove it was money well spent ,or will the Heat prove it's not all about the money.

BEAVERS AND NUGGETS
The Beavers are coming off a tough loss to the Heat. The Nuggets are trying to continue to climb out of the losing streak he created at the start of the season. Can the Nuggets put back to back wins together and send the Beavers into a 2 game losing streak?

WEEK 4 RECAP

Well the earth moved and the mountains shook and when the dust settled the 2 FFLA doormats (Las Vagas & Champaign) came off the floor and posted their first victories of the year. This was doubly impressive as the both upended first place teams. It indeed looks like this will be a marathon season and not a sprint! There was also a game of comeuppance, a heart breaker, and a no-luck Johnnie to round out the weekend. Who knows what's in store for week 5.


Tempe vs. Boston ( line Beavers by 1)

"OH WALLY!! " That was the cry heard coming from the Boston metro area, as the Beavers were knocked up and out of first place after a good "licking" from the Heat. After weeks of trash talking from the Beavers-especially by their GM about how "shitty" their team was, the Heat clearly had this game circled and really pounded that Beaver into submission (is there really any other way to pound a Beaver?) on Monday night for the easy victory, and remain in First place in the Western Conference. The braintrust behind the Beavers, GM Matt Beavers, attempted to implement a new strategy this week against the Heat as he started players that are not even on his roster. Asked to comment on this Commish Soukup stated that while this tactic would not be allowed this year, he would certainly look into adding this new "wrinkle" for next year adding, "That sure would make the 2009 season interesting, not to mention we could elminate the need for a draft!" Shortly after this interview, Commish Soukup issued a league memo to all FFLA teams instructing them to disregard the latest free agent contract offered by the Beavers to Carlos Zambrano. Key players for the Heat included Terrell Suggs and Troy Palomalu (9 & 10 pts) as the Heat were forced to play without star RB Brian Westbrook.
Among the poor performers for the Beavers were Philip Rivers with 6 points and Reggie Bush who only scored 2 pts, which is 2 more than I scored and I don't even play!
In the process the Beavers should be congratulated for setting a new LOW in FFLA scoring, topping, or should I say bottoming their previous week 1 low of 79 pts and scoring an abysmal 66 pts this week.
Stay tuned this week as the Beavers look to get back in the victory column by starting a lineup that includes Sonny Jurgenson, Michael Phelps and Tim Tebow (you go Matt!)

The only question is will the Beavers get swollen and pounded as they give it up so easily? Or will they be able to "snatch" a victory in week 5?


Champaign vs. Compton (line Burger Kings by 1)

All hail the heartbreaker. How do you have the top 2 individual scores of the week (Coles 25 & Johnson 21) rack up 121 points and still lose by ONE point??? Shit don't ask me ask Chuck. The Kings 2 losses have come by 1 and 3 points. Alltogether now..... AAWWWWW. But hey enough about about Chuck. How about the splended job by the Toast. Even without any TE points this well balanced scoring attack featured 7 pts or above by every one on the defensive side of the ball, getting 13 and 16 pts from Cole and Wilson. Just missing the all time scoring record set by the Heat in week 2 the 122 pts show the Toast are anything but. So much for penciling in that easy win boys. You better hunker-down when your facing the Toast. As for the Kings, this surely is an abboration as they have only scored in the 80's except this week-great news for the Monkey Butts! It looks like its back in the 80's for the Kings! Did anyone say Boyz in the Hood? Don't get all misty-eyed Toast you will have an angry bunch of Bunnies on your hands next, and you'll need to start "stacking wins". Can anyone possibly contend if they fall to 1-4 ??


Monee vs. Carson City (line Monee by 5)

After their victory this week the Monkey Butts are all alone in first place atop the Eastern Conference. But their victory started a lot earlier than Sunday my friends. You see the Monkey Butts GM the "Matt Millenesque" Mike Haug decided that to ensure victory Sunday the Butts needed to bolster the all important position of TE and with the speed and cunning of an Andy McPhail, he got his man Donald Lee GB. And the rest as they say is history-yes sir, mark it down the week 4 victory (in more ways than one) could be the catalyst for a Championship in the BUTT-I mean a chamnpionship FOR the Butts. With a rather pedestrian like 89 points, GM Haug is proof that the FFLA gives equal opputunity to the mentally retarded as the Monkey Butts were somehow able to spread the ball around offensively without having a starting QB, in fact me and Carson Palmer were having quite the time "chatting up the ladies" on Sunday afternoon, since he wasn't doing anything anyway.
Well its a good thing the Bunnies GM is on the ball, I mean with the great Peyton Manning on a bye week, at least he has Matt Schaub to step right in and have a monster ga....what, oops you mean he didn't....Ed-who?? he played Edwards?? no your joking. I mean he wins easily with Schaub. Oh, well you know the story! Hey Eddie D. There's a reason they lost 4 Super Bowls in a row. And that was with a QB. Now you want to hang your hat on a Bills QB?? Geesh! What's next a bidding war for Tavaris Jackson? With a poor defensive showing this week, it looks like the Bunnies will concentrate there. Thank God the Colts are playing again!


Cal City Gilas vs. Las Vegas (line Gilas by 13)


Now for the Hard-luck Johnnie. Any seasoned bettor knew that was WAY too much wood to lay with the Gilas on the road. Apparantly so did the previously winless Nuggets. The Gilas averaging over 100 pts a game with their high powered team-yet they are only a .500 team, slipping out of first place at the hands of the last place Nuggets. You have to figure that it will not be your day when the 'ol goat Edjerrin James rolls up 17 points. With Romo's 18 and Jennings 19 it proved to be too much for the Monsters, Despite having 5 players in double figures, it's back to the drawing board in search of that elusive winning lineup. But hey, when you get nothing from 2 players and 1 pt from another, your going to have a tough road to hoe. Speaking of tough, the Gilas have the Heat this week and better get things corrected fast, or a first to worst will be the result. The Nuggets finally getting some scoring as they surpassed the century mark for the first time. feels pretty good doesn't it. Can't pull off mid 80's and expect to compete in the FFLA. I don't have to tell that to DOS, I mean the Nuggets are so loaded they even took a flyer on Kitna! So tell me again how does a roster of Romo, Fitzgerald, Gould, Peppers only have 1 win? Well things are definitely looking up in the desert for the Nuggets.......the Beavers are coming to town!!

Week 4 Preview

Week 4 Preview
So the whole league is 2-1 (except for those 2 teams that are 0-3). Not much separation at the top of each division suggests both divisional races will be heated throughout the rest of the season. Battles will be waged, rivalries will be born, and blood will be spilt as each team vies for Top Dog. There’s a smell of danger and lies and treason and shenanigans about this season lying in the weeks ahead. But a long way is yet to go-- and as the armies exhaust themselves and the dust clears, out of that cloud may just be those little 0-3 teams, rising up victorious against all odds to slay the mighty, invincible goliaths on their way to an FFLA championship and a place among the greats in the history of time….
But lets just see what happens in week 4 first.


Tempe at Boston
Let the smack talk begin. The surprising Beavers gave the Heat some bulletin board material this week, calling out their players as a “joke”, not to be taken seriously. This should put some fire into Tempe’s players coming off a disappointing 78 point loss a week ago. After losing in week 1, the Beavers have squeaked out 2 wins in a row by a total of 6 points, but their team is getting better each week. They feature the best QB (Rivers) and Safety (Harrison) in the league. Westbrook is banged up and Tempe’s wide receivers have been shaky, and the Heat now have to travel across country to face their first East opponent of the year. The Heat will be put to the test—of their manhood-- this week.
Beavers by 1

Champaign at Compton
Will the real Commissioner please stand up? The Toast have been burnt in their first 3 games in true Bears fashion, giving up the lead the last 2 times at the very end-- by a combined total of 6 points. They still cannot field a consistent starting QB, possibly going with their 4th different QB in 4 weeks. The Toast will travel to geezer city looking for better luck against the West division (they were winless against the East). Compton hopes their road horseshoe (2 lucky wins by a combined 5pts on the road) works for them at home as well; they return home for the first time since opening night. The HFA didn’t bother them much on the road, but their team is starting to show its age, and picking a healthy QB for week 4 might get a little dicey. Champaign’s best shot is to get into a shootout with the Kings (go figure) as their aching team is yet to break the 90pt barrier. If Compton loses its second in a row at home the fans may riot, so look for them keep this one close.
Toast by 10 (at the 2minute warning)……Burger Kings by 1 (at the gun)

Monee at Carson City
There’s nothing a playmate hates seeing more than a Monkey Butt in her face….and the Butts invade the Ranch in week 4. Despite their looks, this game appears to be a high scoring affair with points coming in flurries from start to finish. Both teams have scored in triple digits 2 of the first 3 games and bring with them the top 3 running backs (Turner, Brown & Barber) in the league. A little defense may be the difference in this game, with Monee’s D a bit stronger than Carson City. While the Bunnies have struggled to get to 40 defensive points each game, the Butts had the highest defensive output of the year (61) last week. Carson City will also have to do without their starting QB Payton Manning, who is on a bye, which may cost them as well.
Monkey Butts by 5

Cal City at Las Vegas
The good news: Vegas’ punter is the best in the league. The bad news: He’s started his OTHER punter each of the first 3 games. The ugly: Playing the right punter would’ve won him the game in week 2. But with 11 games still to go, there’s plenty of time to put the right punter in there, and speaking for all the 0-3 teams in the league “PUT MVP CANDIDATE DUSTIN COLQUITT IN THE GAME!”. Punters make all the difference.
The Gila Monsters head to Vegas this week after a tough loss in week 3. We’ve seen the purging of two more players from the Gilas this week. Word has gotten out among the players that this owner is not afraid to axe his non-performing players, using it as a motivating factor for the remaining men on the team. In an interview with promising QB Matt Lienart shortly after he was let go stated that when he asked his head coach why they had terminated his 2 year deal, causing his 5-million dollar home to go into foreclosure and forcing him, his current female companion, his 3 illegitimate kids and his boy band house guest out onto the streets, the coach replied “Your contract is not guaranteed, your life is not guaranteed, now hand in your playbook and get the hell out”.
Gila Monsters by 13

WEEK 3 RECAP

The Butts got Guts
The Monkey Butts were able to squeak out a victory on Chris Chambers’ game winning TD on Monday Night. With the win the Monkeys have climbed into a tie for first place in the East, while the Nuggets remain winless at 0-3. Monee was able to win it with defense this week, setting an all time FFLA record with 61 defensive points, led DeMeco Ryans’ 14pts and salty Peanut Tillman’s 13pts. Vegas had 4 players in double digits, and their highest total output of the season, but it was not enough to claim a win.

The Killer Bunny (with the big pointy teeth)
In a horror movie twist, the Eye Candy turned out to be the killer as the Bunnies cruised to a 110-99 victory over the Monsters, led once again by Michael Turner’s 25 points. TJ Whosyomamma chipped in another 18pts and Carson City led all offenses this week with 67pts. The Gilas were led by Drew Brees and Julius Jones with 15pts each, but it wasn’t enough despite scoring the 3rd highest points of the week.

Toasty Beavers
The damn Beavers are warm and cozy tonight after their 4pt come from behind victory nestled them into a 3-way tie for first place in the East. Philip “Winona” Rivers led his big brown Beavers to another win to send Boston to 2-1 while dropping the Toast butter side down at 0-3. The Bubbly has gone flat on the young season for the Toast who let another close game crumble away in the final minutes. Marshawn Lynch’s 19pts had no team support as their 4 receiver lineup produced only 9pts combined.

Compton Caps the Heat
The Burger Kings went into Tempe and stole the game, along with $420,000 in merchandise, by holding off a last minute flurry from the Heat. Despite needing 17pts from four guys playing on MNF, they were unable to finish the job. Westbrook’s early injury was crucial, as his absence caused Tempe to score the least offensive points in FFLA history with 30, one week after setting the all-time high on offense. Compton returned the favor with only 37 defensive points and one player in double digits, but had just enough bullets in the chamber to finish them off. The 158 combined points scored in the game is the lowest combined production in FFLA history.

WEEK 3 PREVIEWS

PACKIN' HEAT
Ain't Nuthin' But a G-Thang Baby! The Tempe Arizona Heat are gonna have to wear bullet proof vests to make it out alive. The Heat need this win to stay in first place in the West Conference. It's still early in the season but every win counts. The Heat are going to try a new play on offense called "Flamer". Can the Heat get the same production out of Cutler and Westbrook? The Burger Kings are trying a new play on offense called "Crazy Crackhead In Da Hood." Compton is hoping some of his newly acquired players can bust a cap in dat ass. Compton lost in week one and barely squeeked out a win in week 2. He needs a big win to prove he is the Original Gangsta he says he is. After the crime scene has been investigated I see the Burger Kings being found guilty of Murder.

TOASTY BEAVERS
This will be the sequel to Beavers and Butts. I hear it's not as good as the first one but I'll still rent it. Can the Toast get out of his slump and pound some Beaver all night long. Sometimes pounding a little Beaver will make you feel better after going 0 - 2 to start the season. Will the Beavers give it up so easily or will they play hard to get. Eli Manning is going to try and come from behind and pound the hell out of that Beaver. Or will Matt Bevers win with his newly acquired NBC news anchor Brian Williams. Soon he will have the entire news cast from NBC. I predict he will go with Al Roker next from weather.

MONSTERS AND BUNNIES
This sounds like a typical horror flick with some hot chicks that always go places they shouldn't go. The Gila Monsters are the killers chasin down the 1 -1 Bunnies in Week 3. There almost seems to be no escape because the lights don't work and all the doors are locked.
Pause.....for shower scene.
The Bunnies have been hurting with the slumping of Peyton Manning and TJ Houshmanzadeh. He needs those two guys to step it up or he needs a big night from Michael Turner like in Week 1. Oh but wait just one minute, it looks like LaDaninan Tomlinson and Darren McFadden may have been the first to die in this Horror movie. Both are listed as Questionable. Why is the black guy always killed first in horror movies? The Bunnies might escape from the clutches of the killer this time.

NUGGETS ARE HANGIN' LOW
When you get old your nuggets start hangin' a little lower. Mr. Osborne 's team is startin' to show the classic signs. Can he get out of his slump in Week 3 and stop draggin' his Nuggets around. Both Osborne's have obviously been sharing notes because they look like the same team sitting at 0 - 2. The Monkey Butts have been struggling at the Quarterback position. Monkeys are very erratic animals and should not be kept as pets. Adrian Peterson is questionable for week 3 and this could cost the Butts the game. Monkeys have 10 times the strength of humans in most situations but in Week 3 they look a little tired. I see Nuggets pullin' off the ground and pulling out a victory.

WEEK 2 RECAP

GILA MONSTERS LOVE TOAST FOR BREAKFAST
The Gilas stole Kurt Warner and Hurricane Ike stole Joe Flaaco, leaving the Toast without a starting QB. Ultimately, no starting QB is what cost the Toast the game. This was the highest scoring game of the week ,Gilas 121 and Toast 119. A last minute decision to start Darren McFadden and Anthony Gonzalez gave the Gilas 22 points. Terrell Owens and Anquan Bolden delivered some Big Time Texas Toast giving Champaign 44 points. The Gilas decision to swipe Kurt Warner from the Toast is sure to leave a bitter taste in the mouth. How will the Toast taste the next time they face each other in week 9?

BEAVERS AND BUTTS
Sounds like a low budget porno. I rented this one and it was exciting all the way until Monday Night. Marion Barber almost delivered the money shot but couldn't hit the target. The Monkey Butts lost 91 to 88. Phillip Rivers led the way with 21 points for the Beavers. Garrad contributed a dissapointing 4 points for the Monkey Butts. This was hardcore and surprisingly had a very good storyline.

DON'T APPLY HEAT TO AN INJURED BURSA SAC
The heat is on fire starting the season out 2 - 0. They burned up the field by getting 26 from Cutler and 25 from Westbrook. The Bunnies had the lowest point total but should have got points for good looks. This week Michael "The Burner" Turner got burned, only contributing 3 points. Peyton Manning should have known not to apply Heat to an injured Bursa Sac. The Heat scored the highest point total of 123 this week.

ROYAL WITH CHEESE
You know what they call a Quarter Pounder in Europe, "A Royal With Cheese." Eddie Royal came with cheese this week contributing 10 points in the last seconds of the game. Nick Folk gave the most points to the Burger Kings with 14 in an exciting Monday Night Game. The Nuggets gambled a little too much and got -4 points from 2 Greg Olsen lost fumbles. However, the Nuggest didn't go down without a fight getting 16 points from Tony Romo and 11 from Reggie Wayne. This was another close game 89 to 86.

WEEK 2 PREVIEW

While teams were getting a feel of their rosters in Week 1, nobody likes starting out 0-2, so this is where it starts getting serious. Some teams are off to an early advantage, but the NFL is a long season and apparently you can’t have too many QB’s. Let’s see who gets busted up in Week 2.


Tempe at Carson City
The battle for supremacy in the Western conference is ON this week when Tempe travels to Carson City. The Gratto will be rocking on Sunday for its opening game like Bunnies in Heat. The “Michael Turners” come into the game with the highest scoring offense in the league even with poor performances from Payton Manning and Joe Addai, while solidification of their defense through free agency during the week may help to jump start the D. The Heat have been quiet this week after squeeking out a 1pt victory against the Nuggets in week 1. Their well-balanced attack produces solid points from every position -- except WR (1pt among 3 guys), and their defense will be key to shutting down the Bunny attack. Both teams are sporting double digit scoring kickers from week 1, so if the Heat can keep it close, the game could be decided by a field goal. Or two. Or four.
Bunnies by 11 1/2

Compton at Las Vegas
Everyone has all their limbs through week 1. That’s good news for the Kings even though they were grilled by 15 points at home in week 1. Vegas is coming off a heart breaking loss (ultimately decided by home field advantage) and look to their home crowd to return the favor. Jessica Simpson has been banned from the Nugget luxury boxes until further notice, so Tony Romo should improve on last week’s uninspired performance. Compton looks to smother the Nuggets with their intimidating defense, which outscored their offense by 15 points last week. Compton hopes to get a big lead early to allow their QB clan to get to the buffet before the 4:30pm senior citizen dinner rush. This is shaping up to be the closest matchup of the week, but if I had to bet…
Burger Kings by 2

Boston at Monee
It’s worst against first as the Monkey Butts head home boasting the highest scoring output from week 1 to face the Beavers who put up the lowest week 1 point total. The Beavers are hoping a change at QB and RB will help the team, with Philip Rivers and Will Forte’s brother Matt both promoted to the starting lineup for week 2. Ted Ginn Jr. hopes to actually help his team this week, after a -2 point output last week, otherwise the Beavers might be better off going with a 1 WR lineup in week 3.
Monee fans are excited about the opening of U.S. Butt Powder Stadium, located next to THE McDonalds, right past THE stop light, and hope the high powered duo of Barber and Peterson can run the Beavers up a creek on their way to 2-0.
Monee by 25

Cal City at Champaign
This is the first week of the rest of our lives. After the smoke cleared on week 1 and the funeral processions ended, the Burnt Toast had to move on with the remainder of their season. “Let’s win in for ‘ol Tom Boy” is the new slogan seen in and around Champaign. As of yet no successor has been named to replace Brady at QB, and the team feels that he was such a significant player in Toast history that no one may be able to ever take his place, so why bother trying. In memory of Tom Terrific, there will be an hour of silence prior to Sunday’s game, a 621 gun salute, and the QB position may remain vacant throughout the game to honor his absence. As for the Gila Monsters, the presence of 5 QB’s on the sidelines and in the game may be deemed offensive to the home crowd, so security has been heightened for the game. Kurt Warner, the newest Gila may even be part of their 5-man “pitching rotation”, rotating in on 1st, 2nd, 3rd downs, handling the offensive line blocking duties, placeholding on field goals and fetching water for the other players and coaches. With the plethora of options this week the Gilas should have no problem winning handily, however, the kids from Champaign will be playing their hearts out in honor of their fallen leader.
Gila Monsters by 10

WEEK 1 RECAP

WEEK 1 RECAP

Monkey Butts Burn The Toast
The burnt toast could be smelt throughout the stadium and set off all smoke alarms in a 5 mile radius. The Monkey Butts scored the most points in FFLA league history with 112. The Toast suffered a major loss to injury when Tom Brady was put on IR with a knee injury early in the game. With Tom Brady gone the Toast don't look like they will be toasting anyone anytime soon. Anything is possible this early in the season so don't count out the toast.

Who would win a fight between a Beaver and a Gila Monster?
The answer is obvious.........Gila Monster. The Gilas stomped all over the Boston Bagadouches 91- 79, scoring the 3rd most points in FFLA history. Drew Brees and DeMarcus Ware were the top scorers for the Gilas. The Beavers were led by Reggie Bush and Rodney Harrison. The Beavers sent an email recently expressing his disgust with his loss. Matt Forte ran for 123 yards and 1 TD but the Beavers never started him. Can the Beavers stop being such bagadouches and start winning?

Bunnies and Gangsters....Sounds like one hell of a party!
The Bunnies used their sex appeal to "Have It Their Way" with the Compton Burger Kings. The Kings melted in the palm of their hands losing 103 - 88. The Bunnies scored the second most points in FFLA league history led by Michael "The Burner" Turner with 26 points. Mr. Turner scored the most points by one player in FFLA History. Unfortunately for the Kings, Donovan McNabb was sitting on the bench while he threw for 360 plus yards and 3 TDs. At least The Burger Kings scored the most defensive points in FFLA league history.

DESERT STORM
The closest game in FFLA league history...........Heat 85 and Nuggets 84. This is the first time a game was decided by home field advantage points. Brian Westbrook led the Heat with 15 points. The Nuggets were led by Reggie Wayne with 12 points. The game originally looked to be won by the Nuggest until the Heat caught a scoring error which put him back in the game. The Heat will have to face the Nuggets one more time in week 8 in Las Vegas. Can we expect another nail biter?

Week 1 Preview

Week 1 Preview

Since it’s Week 1 and everyone’s team looks like a championship team now, it would be impossible to determine winners to these matchups, so I will spare everyone the mental letdown of being predicted to lose their opening game. All I can say right now is 4 teams will no longer be undefeated come Tuesday. Other than that, it’s a crap shoot.

Carson City at Compton
The Bunnies travel into the inner city for their opening weekend, trying to avoid a shot in the leg loss to start their season. The prettiest Bunny of them all, Peyton Manning, is hoping his Bursa Sac holds up long enough to lead his team to victory. After a defensive team meeting, Asante Samuel and his Bursa Sac have agreed to give up one of his starting lineup spots to let teammate Ed Reed start the game at the Rover position rather than allowing Samuel to start at both positions. The Bunnies hope this gives them more flexability on defense, since Samuel would not be required to guard 2 men in their man-to-man sets.

The Burger Kings hope to have it their way behind their QB “youngster” Big Ben. The Compton fans are eagerly anticipating “QB 40” night this weekend with the give away of 40-ounce bottles of King Kobra, in tribute to the Burger Kings slew of almost 40-something QBs. Compton will not return home again until Week 4 against the Toast, when they will be promoting “cap to da knee” night, in tribute to all of their running backs’ surgically repaired knees.


Las Vegas at Tempe
The Nuggets should be a good bet to do well this season, with 2/3 of their 32 man roster in their contract year. The Romo to Wayne connection looks to be their bread and butter this year (and will make up nearly half the remaining roster in 2009), but depth should not be a problem for them even with 2 of their wideouts out of commission to start the season. The Nuggets will travel through the desert to Tempe in an attempt to beat the Arizona Heat where early September temperatures could reach triple digits by game time.

The Arizona Heat burned up free agency this offseason, firing off 15 FA transactions within the first hour. Now that all their binging & purging is complete, the team will be looking to capitalize on their newly acquired players, behind their solid veteran running back Bryan Westbrook. Will all the roster changes equate to victories, or will the lack of team continuity cause them to fall down at the 1 with a wide open end zone?


Boston at Cal City
The Beavers are looking to prove that “less is more” when they travel to Cal City to play the Gila Monsters this weekend. Their wise cracking, hands-off owner is putting the ownership on his players with the belief that all the pieces are already in place for a championship season—once they acquire a second Defensive Lineman. Led by SNL cast member Will Forte’s brother, Matt, and To Catch a Predator star Chris Hanson’s twin brother, Chris, the damn Beavers are looking to post a victory in week 1, but more importantly, get out of the game without any injuries.

The Gilas are boasting the #1 fantasy back over the past few seasons, along with the #1 rookie back from the 2008 draft. Add in top 5 rated QB Drew Brees and the Gilas are set to stick their tongue out at the competition. But games can be won or lost on both sides of the ball, so they will need to make sure their Lance Briggs led defense doesn’t demolish what their Lamborghini-esque offense creates.


Monee at Champaign
The Monkey Butts will take a trip down I57 to play in one of the league’s toughest stadiums “The Toaster” for this weekend’s matchup. Last year’s rookie sensation Adrian Peterson will attempt to repeat what he did last year while Carson Palmer looks to rebound from a disappointing 2007 season. Monee hopes to get a good showing in Week 1 to take advantage of defensive leader Mike Brown’s one healthy game of the year.

The Toast are led by golden boy Tom Brady and (the opposite of golden boy) Terrell Owens who look to burn defenses throughout the season. With Paul “championship” Puzluzny on defense and MVP candidate and team captain Andy Lee handling the punting duties, the boys from Champaign are looking like butta going into Week 1. Like a big stick of butta.

2008 Regular Season

The first regular season game will be on Thursday, September 4, 2008 at 6pm Central Time.

Washington vs. NY Giants

SUBMITTING STARTING ROSTERS
Any teams planning on starting players that are on either one of those teams must have those players submitted no later 15 minutes prior to kickoff. You can submit a partial roster including only those players playing in the Thursday Night Game. You can can submit your remaining roster no later than 15 minutes prior the kickoff of later games. If you submit a roster early in the week and wish to make a change, only send the player(s) you are adding in replacement.

ALSO, you do not have to submit an entire roster every week if you are reusing some players from a previous weeks starting roster. If you are reusing your entire starting roster from the previous week, that is fine also.

We will automatically use the previous weeks roster if you do not submit one. If you do not submit a starting roster for the 1st regular season game, your game will be forfeited.

If anyone has any questions regarding the submitting of starting rosters please feel free to ask either commissioner or refer to the FFLA Official Rules and Regulations.

Free Agency - Week 2

As expected, there was considerably less activity in the second week of free agency. Boston Beavers has yet to make a player transaction. Many teams are beginning to fill out their practice rosters in hopes of finding a possible sleeper. Remember the deadline for signing draft picks is August 29th.

LET THE FREE AGENT BIDDING BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!

The inaugural free agency period which began at 8am on August 11th, was jumped started by the Arizona Heat with a total of 15 bids by 8:55am. Later in the evening his good friend from the Cal. City Gila Monsters out bid him with 16 players by 6:06pm. The Compton Burger Kings were unable to compete with only 3 bids.

2008 FFLA Inagural Draft

The 2008 FFLA Inaugural draft will kick off Sunday, August 10th, at 1:00 p.m. This is the beginning a many exciting years of fantasy football.

The draft can be anywhere between 14 to 28 rounds. We must have a minumum of 14 rounds in order for teams to field a full starting roster. Teams will be able to acquire players in free agency immediately following the draft to acquire additional players. Immediately following the draft teams will be able to sign players to contract if they choose. All players must be signed prior to the 1st regular season game in order to an active player. Any player not signed to a contract must be offered a practice squad contract. Teams are only permitted 5 practice squad players.

We will try and have an overview of the rules and regulations before or after the draft.

Inaugural Draft Date

The inaugural draft date and time is:

Sunday, August 10, 2008 at 1:00 p.m.

All teams will be given a time limit for each pick so owners are responsible for being prepared in advance to expedite the process.

8 Teams, looking for 2 More

The FFLA officially has 8 teams. The goal is to reach 10 teams if possible, so if anyone knows someone of interest please notify the commissioners or tell a friend about our website.

Welcome Tom Gunnum

Please join me in welcoming Tom Gunnum to the FFLA. His team name will be the Calumet City Gila Monsters. His logo and team site are currently in development.

LEAGUE FEES

The $57.00 league fee is due on or prior to draft day. Draft day is TBA (Late July or Early August).

The only additional fee will be $3.00 to cut a player off your roster. All cut fees will be due prior to the All-American Bowl Game (Final Game Championship Game). All cut fees are added to the winnings pot and are dispersed according the fees/payouts section of the league website.

Rule Book and Scoring System

Any team owners reading the Rule Book should notice at the bottom of the page there are tabs that allow you to read various versions of the rule book. The 1st tab shows the standard version, the 2nd tab is the cliffs notes and the 3rd tab is a rule book for dummies.

The scoring system is also provided with a link on the main website.

Chuck Soukup
Commissioner
FFLA