WEEK 2 PREVIEW

While teams were getting a feel of their rosters in Week 1, nobody likes starting out 0-2, so this is where it starts getting serious. Some teams are off to an early advantage, but the NFL is a long season and apparently you can’t have too many QB’s. Let’s see who gets busted up in Week 2.


Tempe at Carson City
The battle for supremacy in the Western conference is ON this week when Tempe travels to Carson City. The Gratto will be rocking on Sunday for its opening game like Bunnies in Heat. The “Michael Turners” come into the game with the highest scoring offense in the league even with poor performances from Payton Manning and Joe Addai, while solidification of their defense through free agency during the week may help to jump start the D. The Heat have been quiet this week after squeeking out a 1pt victory against the Nuggets in week 1. Their well-balanced attack produces solid points from every position -- except WR (1pt among 3 guys), and their defense will be key to shutting down the Bunny attack. Both teams are sporting double digit scoring kickers from week 1, so if the Heat can keep it close, the game could be decided by a field goal. Or two. Or four.
Bunnies by 11 1/2

Compton at Las Vegas
Everyone has all their limbs through week 1. That’s good news for the Kings even though they were grilled by 15 points at home in week 1. Vegas is coming off a heart breaking loss (ultimately decided by home field advantage) and look to their home crowd to return the favor. Jessica Simpson has been banned from the Nugget luxury boxes until further notice, so Tony Romo should improve on last week’s uninspired performance. Compton looks to smother the Nuggets with their intimidating defense, which outscored their offense by 15 points last week. Compton hopes to get a big lead early to allow their QB clan to get to the buffet before the 4:30pm senior citizen dinner rush. This is shaping up to be the closest matchup of the week, but if I had to bet…
Burger Kings by 2

Boston at Monee
It’s worst against first as the Monkey Butts head home boasting the highest scoring output from week 1 to face the Beavers who put up the lowest week 1 point total. The Beavers are hoping a change at QB and RB will help the team, with Philip Rivers and Will Forte’s brother Matt both promoted to the starting lineup for week 2. Ted Ginn Jr. hopes to actually help his team this week, after a -2 point output last week, otherwise the Beavers might be better off going with a 1 WR lineup in week 3.
Monee fans are excited about the opening of U.S. Butt Powder Stadium, located next to THE McDonalds, right past THE stop light, and hope the high powered duo of Barber and Peterson can run the Beavers up a creek on their way to 2-0.
Monee by 25

Cal City at Champaign
This is the first week of the rest of our lives. After the smoke cleared on week 1 and the funeral processions ended, the Burnt Toast had to move on with the remainder of their season. “Let’s win in for ‘ol Tom Boy” is the new slogan seen in and around Champaign. As of yet no successor has been named to replace Brady at QB, and the team feels that he was such a significant player in Toast history that no one may be able to ever take his place, so why bother trying. In memory of Tom Terrific, there will be an hour of silence prior to Sunday’s game, a 621 gun salute, and the QB position may remain vacant throughout the game to honor his absence. As for the Gila Monsters, the presence of 5 QB’s on the sidelines and in the game may be deemed offensive to the home crowd, so security has been heightened for the game. Kurt Warner, the newest Gila may even be part of their 5-man “pitching rotation”, rotating in on 1st, 2nd, 3rd downs, handling the offensive line blocking duties, placeholding on field goals and fetching water for the other players and coaches. With the plethora of options this week the Gilas should have no problem winning handily, however, the kids from Champaign will be playing their hearts out in honor of their fallen leader.
Gila Monsters by 10