Week 1 Preview

Week 1 Preview

Since it’s Week 1 and everyone’s team looks like a championship team now, it would be impossible to determine winners to these matchups, so I will spare everyone the mental letdown of being predicted to lose their opening game. All I can say right now is 4 teams will no longer be undefeated come Tuesday. Other than that, it’s a crap shoot.

Carson City at Compton
The Bunnies travel into the inner city for their opening weekend, trying to avoid a shot in the leg loss to start their season. The prettiest Bunny of them all, Peyton Manning, is hoping his Bursa Sac holds up long enough to lead his team to victory. After a defensive team meeting, Asante Samuel and his Bursa Sac have agreed to give up one of his starting lineup spots to let teammate Ed Reed start the game at the Rover position rather than allowing Samuel to start at both positions. The Bunnies hope this gives them more flexability on defense, since Samuel would not be required to guard 2 men in their man-to-man sets.

The Burger Kings hope to have it their way behind their QB “youngster” Big Ben. The Compton fans are eagerly anticipating “QB 40” night this weekend with the give away of 40-ounce bottles of King Kobra, in tribute to the Burger Kings slew of almost 40-something QBs. Compton will not return home again until Week 4 against the Toast, when they will be promoting “cap to da knee” night, in tribute to all of their running backs’ surgically repaired knees.


Las Vegas at Tempe
The Nuggets should be a good bet to do well this season, with 2/3 of their 32 man roster in their contract year. The Romo to Wayne connection looks to be their bread and butter this year (and will make up nearly half the remaining roster in 2009), but depth should not be a problem for them even with 2 of their wideouts out of commission to start the season. The Nuggets will travel through the desert to Tempe in an attempt to beat the Arizona Heat where early September temperatures could reach triple digits by game time.

The Arizona Heat burned up free agency this offseason, firing off 15 FA transactions within the first hour. Now that all their binging & purging is complete, the team will be looking to capitalize on their newly acquired players, behind their solid veteran running back Bryan Westbrook. Will all the roster changes equate to victories, or will the lack of team continuity cause them to fall down at the 1 with a wide open end zone?


Boston at Cal City
The Beavers are looking to prove that “less is more” when they travel to Cal City to play the Gila Monsters this weekend. Their wise cracking, hands-off owner is putting the ownership on his players with the belief that all the pieces are already in place for a championship season—once they acquire a second Defensive Lineman. Led by SNL cast member Will Forte’s brother, Matt, and To Catch a Predator star Chris Hanson’s twin brother, Chris, the damn Beavers are looking to post a victory in week 1, but more importantly, get out of the game without any injuries.

The Gilas are boasting the #1 fantasy back over the past few seasons, along with the #1 rookie back from the 2008 draft. Add in top 5 rated QB Drew Brees and the Gilas are set to stick their tongue out at the competition. But games can be won or lost on both sides of the ball, so they will need to make sure their Lance Briggs led defense doesn’t demolish what their Lamborghini-esque offense creates.


Monee at Champaign
The Monkey Butts will take a trip down I57 to play in one of the league’s toughest stadiums “The Toaster” for this weekend’s matchup. Last year’s rookie sensation Adrian Peterson will attempt to repeat what he did last year while Carson Palmer looks to rebound from a disappointing 2007 season. Monee hopes to get a good showing in Week 1 to take advantage of defensive leader Mike Brown’s one healthy game of the year.

The Toast are led by golden boy Tom Brady and (the opposite of golden boy) Terrell Owens who look to burn defenses throughout the season. With Paul “championship” Puzluzny on defense and MVP candidate and team captain Andy Lee handling the punting duties, the boys from Champaign are looking like butta going into Week 1. Like a big stick of butta.