Well the earth moved and the mountains shook and when the dust settled the 2 FFLA doormats (Las Vagas & Champaign) came off the floor and posted their first victories of the year. This was doubly impressive as the both upended first place teams. It indeed looks like this will be a marathon season and not a sprint! There was also a game of comeuppance, a heart breaker, and a no-luck Johnnie to round out the weekend. Who knows what's in store for week 5.
Tempe vs. Boston ( line Beavers by 1)
"OH WALLY!! " That was the cry heard coming from the Boston metro area, as the Beavers were knocked up and out of first place after a good "licking" from the Heat. After weeks of trash talking from the Beavers-especially by their GM about how "shitty" their team was, the Heat clearly had this game circled and really pounded that Beaver into submission (is there really any other way to pound a Beaver?) on Monday night for the easy victory, and remain in First place in the Western Conference. The braintrust behind the Beavers, GM Matt Beavers, attempted to implement a new strategy this week against the Heat as he started players that are not even on his roster. Asked to comment on this Commish Soukup stated that while this tactic would not be allowed this year, he would certainly look into adding this new "wrinkle" for next year adding, "That sure would make the 2009 season interesting, not to mention we could elminate the need for a draft!" Shortly after this interview, Commish Soukup issued a league memo to all FFLA teams instructing them to disregard the latest free agent contract offered by the Beavers to Carlos Zambrano. Key players for the Heat included Terrell Suggs and Troy Palomalu (9 & 10 pts) as the Heat were forced to play without star RB Brian Westbrook.
Among the poor performers for the Beavers were Philip Rivers with 6 points and Reggie Bush who only scored 2 pts, which is 2 more than I scored and I don't even play!
In the process the Beavers should be congratulated for setting a new LOW in FFLA scoring, topping, or should I say bottoming their previous week 1 low of 79 pts and scoring an abysmal 66 pts this week.
Stay tuned this week as the Beavers look to get back in the victory column by starting a lineup that includes Sonny Jurgenson, Michael Phelps and Tim Tebow (you go Matt!)
The only question is will the Beavers get swollen and pounded as they give it up so easily? Or will they be able to "snatch" a victory in week 5?
Champaign vs. Compton (line Burger Kings by 1)
All hail the heartbreaker. How do you have the top 2 individual scores of the week (Coles 25 & Johnson 21) rack up 121 points and still lose by ONE point??? Shit don't ask me ask Chuck. The Kings 2 losses have come by 1 and 3 points. Alltogether now..... AAWWWWW. But hey enough about about Chuck. How about the splended job by the Toast. Even without any TE points this well balanced scoring attack featured 7 pts or above by every one on the defensive side of the ball, getting 13 and 16 pts from Cole and Wilson. Just missing the all time scoring record set by the Heat in week 2 the 122 pts show the Toast are anything but. So much for penciling in that easy win boys. You better hunker-down when your facing the Toast. As for the Kings, this surely is an abboration as they have only scored in the 80's except this week-great news for the Monkey Butts! It looks like its back in the 80's for the Kings! Did anyone say Boyz in the Hood? Don't get all misty-eyed Toast you will have an angry bunch of Bunnies on your hands next, and you'll need to start "stacking wins". Can anyone possibly contend if they fall to 1-4 ??
Monee vs. Carson City (line Monee by 5)
After their victory this week the Monkey Butts are all alone in first place atop the Eastern Conference. But their victory started a lot earlier than Sunday my friends. You see the Monkey Butts GM the "Matt Millenesque" Mike Haug decided that to ensure victory Sunday the Butts needed to bolster the all important position of TE and with the speed and cunning of an Andy McPhail, he got his man Donald Lee GB. And the rest as they say is history-yes sir, mark it down the week 4 victory (in more ways than one) could be the catalyst for a Championship in the BUTT-I mean a chamnpionship FOR the Butts. With a rather pedestrian like 89 points, GM Haug is proof that the FFLA gives equal opputunity to the mentally retarded as the Monkey Butts were somehow able to spread the ball around offensively without having a starting QB, in fact me and Carson Palmer were having quite the time "chatting up the ladies" on Sunday afternoon, since he wasn't doing anything anyway.
Well its a good thing the Bunnies GM is on the ball, I mean with the great Peyton Manning on a bye week, at least he has Matt Schaub to step right in and have a monster ga....what, oops you mean he didn't....Ed-who?? he played Edwards?? no your joking. I mean he wins easily with Schaub. Oh, well you know the story! Hey Eddie D. There's a reason they lost 4 Super Bowls in a row. And that was with a QB. Now you want to hang your hat on a Bills QB?? Geesh! What's next a bidding war for Tavaris Jackson? With a poor defensive showing this week, it looks like the Bunnies will concentrate there. Thank God the Colts are playing again!
Cal City Gilas vs. Las Vegas (line Gilas by 13)
Now for the Hard-luck Johnnie. Any seasoned bettor knew that was WAY too much wood to lay with the Gilas on the road. Apparantly so did the previously winless Nuggets. The Gilas averaging over 100 pts a game with their high powered team-yet they are only a .500 team, slipping out of first place at the hands of the last place Nuggets. You have to figure that it will not be your day when the 'ol goat Edjerrin James rolls up 17 points. With Romo's 18 and Jennings 19 it proved to be too much for the Monsters, Despite having 5 players in double figures, it's back to the drawing board in search of that elusive winning lineup. But hey, when you get nothing from 2 players and 1 pt from another, your going to have a tough road to hoe. Speaking of tough, the Gilas have the Heat this week and better get things corrected fast, or a first to worst will be the result. The Nuggets finally getting some scoring as they surpassed the century mark for the first time. feels pretty good doesn't it. Can't pull off mid 80's and expect to compete in the FFLA. I don't have to tell that to DOS, I mean the Nuggets are so loaded they even took a flyer on Kitna! So tell me again how does a roster of Romo, Fitzgerald, Gould, Peppers only have 1 win? Well things are definitely looking up in the desert for the Nuggets.......the Beavers are coming to town!!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Week 4 Preview
Week 4 Preview
So the whole league is 2-1 (except for those 2 teams that are 0-3). Not much separation at the top of each division suggests both divisional races will be heated throughout the rest of the season. Battles will be waged, rivalries will be born, and blood will be spilt as each team vies for Top Dog. There’s a smell of danger and lies and treason and shenanigans about this season lying in the weeks ahead. But a long way is yet to go-- and as the armies exhaust themselves and the dust clears, out of that cloud may just be those little 0-3 teams, rising up victorious against all odds to slay the mighty, invincible goliaths on their way to an FFLA championship and a place among the greats in the history of time….
But lets just see what happens in week 4 first.
Tempe at Boston
Let the smack talk begin. The surprising Beavers gave the Heat some bulletin board material this week, calling out their players as a “joke”, not to be taken seriously. This should put some fire into Tempe’s players coming off a disappointing 78 point loss a week ago. After losing in week 1, the Beavers have squeaked out 2 wins in a row by a total of 6 points, but their team is getting better each week. They feature the best QB (Rivers) and Safety (Harrison) in the league. Westbrook is banged up and Tempe’s wide receivers have been shaky, and the Heat now have to travel across country to face their first East opponent of the year. The Heat will be put to the test—of their manhood-- this week.
Beavers by 1
Champaign at Compton
Will the real Commissioner please stand up? The Toast have been burnt in their first 3 games in true Bears fashion, giving up the lead the last 2 times at the very end-- by a combined total of 6 points. They still cannot field a consistent starting QB, possibly going with their 4th different QB in 4 weeks. The Toast will travel to geezer city looking for better luck against the West division (they were winless against the East). Compton hopes their road horseshoe (2 lucky wins by a combined 5pts on the road) works for them at home as well; they return home for the first time since opening night. The HFA didn’t bother them much on the road, but their team is starting to show its age, and picking a healthy QB for week 4 might get a little dicey. Champaign’s best shot is to get into a shootout with the Kings (go figure) as their aching team is yet to break the 90pt barrier. If Compton loses its second in a row at home the fans may riot, so look for them keep this one close.
Toast by 10 (at the 2minute warning)……Burger Kings by 1 (at the gun)
Monee at Carson City
There’s nothing a playmate hates seeing more than a Monkey Butt in her face….and the Butts invade the Ranch in week 4. Despite their looks, this game appears to be a high scoring affair with points coming in flurries from start to finish. Both teams have scored in triple digits 2 of the first 3 games and bring with them the top 3 running backs (Turner, Brown & Barber) in the league. A little defense may be the difference in this game, with Monee’s D a bit stronger than Carson City. While the Bunnies have struggled to get to 40 defensive points each game, the Butts had the highest defensive output of the year (61) last week. Carson City will also have to do without their starting QB Payton Manning, who is on a bye, which may cost them as well.
Monkey Butts by 5
Cal City at Las Vegas
The good news: Vegas’ punter is the best in the league. The bad news: He’s started his OTHER punter each of the first 3 games. The ugly: Playing the right punter would’ve won him the game in week 2. But with 11 games still to go, there’s plenty of time to put the right punter in there, and speaking for all the 0-3 teams in the league “PUT MVP CANDIDATE DUSTIN COLQUITT IN THE GAME!”. Punters make all the difference.
The Gila Monsters head to Vegas this week after a tough loss in week 3. We’ve seen the purging of two more players from the Gilas this week. Word has gotten out among the players that this owner is not afraid to axe his non-performing players, using it as a motivating factor for the remaining men on the team. In an interview with promising QB Matt Lienart shortly after he was let go stated that when he asked his head coach why they had terminated his 2 year deal, causing his 5-million dollar home to go into foreclosure and forcing him, his current female companion, his 3 illegitimate kids and his boy band house guest out onto the streets, the coach replied “Your contract is not guaranteed, your life is not guaranteed, now hand in your playbook and get the hell out”.
Gila Monsters by 13
So the whole league is 2-1 (except for those 2 teams that are 0-3). Not much separation at the top of each division suggests both divisional races will be heated throughout the rest of the season. Battles will be waged, rivalries will be born, and blood will be spilt as each team vies for Top Dog. There’s a smell of danger and lies and treason and shenanigans about this season lying in the weeks ahead. But a long way is yet to go-- and as the armies exhaust themselves and the dust clears, out of that cloud may just be those little 0-3 teams, rising up victorious against all odds to slay the mighty, invincible goliaths on their way to an FFLA championship and a place among the greats in the history of time….
But lets just see what happens in week 4 first.
Tempe at Boston
Let the smack talk begin. The surprising Beavers gave the Heat some bulletin board material this week, calling out their players as a “joke”, not to be taken seriously. This should put some fire into Tempe’s players coming off a disappointing 78 point loss a week ago. After losing in week 1, the Beavers have squeaked out 2 wins in a row by a total of 6 points, but their team is getting better each week. They feature the best QB (Rivers) and Safety (Harrison) in the league. Westbrook is banged up and Tempe’s wide receivers have been shaky, and the Heat now have to travel across country to face their first East opponent of the year. The Heat will be put to the test—of their manhood-- this week.
Beavers by 1
Champaign at Compton
Will the real Commissioner please stand up? The Toast have been burnt in their first 3 games in true Bears fashion, giving up the lead the last 2 times at the very end-- by a combined total of 6 points. They still cannot field a consistent starting QB, possibly going with their 4th different QB in 4 weeks. The Toast will travel to geezer city looking for better luck against the West division (they were winless against the East). Compton hopes their road horseshoe (2 lucky wins by a combined 5pts on the road) works for them at home as well; they return home for the first time since opening night. The HFA didn’t bother them much on the road, but their team is starting to show its age, and picking a healthy QB for week 4 might get a little dicey. Champaign’s best shot is to get into a shootout with the Kings (go figure) as their aching team is yet to break the 90pt barrier. If Compton loses its second in a row at home the fans may riot, so look for them keep this one close.
Toast by 10 (at the 2minute warning)……Burger Kings by 1 (at the gun)
Monee at Carson City
There’s nothing a playmate hates seeing more than a Monkey Butt in her face….and the Butts invade the Ranch in week 4. Despite their looks, this game appears to be a high scoring affair with points coming in flurries from start to finish. Both teams have scored in triple digits 2 of the first 3 games and bring with them the top 3 running backs (Turner, Brown & Barber) in the league. A little defense may be the difference in this game, with Monee’s D a bit stronger than Carson City. While the Bunnies have struggled to get to 40 defensive points each game, the Butts had the highest defensive output of the year (61) last week. Carson City will also have to do without their starting QB Payton Manning, who is on a bye, which may cost them as well.
Monkey Butts by 5
Cal City at Las Vegas
The good news: Vegas’ punter is the best in the league. The bad news: He’s started his OTHER punter each of the first 3 games. The ugly: Playing the right punter would’ve won him the game in week 2. But with 11 games still to go, there’s plenty of time to put the right punter in there, and speaking for all the 0-3 teams in the league “PUT MVP CANDIDATE DUSTIN COLQUITT IN THE GAME!”. Punters make all the difference.
The Gila Monsters head to Vegas this week after a tough loss in week 3. We’ve seen the purging of two more players from the Gilas this week. Word has gotten out among the players that this owner is not afraid to axe his non-performing players, using it as a motivating factor for the remaining men on the team. In an interview with promising QB Matt Lienart shortly after he was let go stated that when he asked his head coach why they had terminated his 2 year deal, causing his 5-million dollar home to go into foreclosure and forcing him, his current female companion, his 3 illegitimate kids and his boy band house guest out onto the streets, the coach replied “Your contract is not guaranteed, your life is not guaranteed, now hand in your playbook and get the hell out”.
Gila Monsters by 13
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
WEEK 3 RECAP
The Butts got Guts
The Monkey Butts were able to squeak out a victory on Chris Chambers’ game winning TD on Monday Night. With the win the Monkeys have climbed into a tie for first place in the East, while the Nuggets remain winless at 0-3. Monee was able to win it with defense this week, setting an all time FFLA record with 61 defensive points, led DeMeco Ryans’ 14pts and salty Peanut Tillman’s 13pts. Vegas had 4 players in double digits, and their highest total output of the season, but it was not enough to claim a win.
The Killer Bunny (with the big pointy teeth)
In a horror movie twist, the Eye Candy turned out to be the killer as the Bunnies cruised to a 110-99 victory over the Monsters, led once again by Michael Turner’s 25 points. TJ Whosyomamma chipped in another 18pts and Carson City led all offenses this week with 67pts. The Gilas were led by Drew Brees and Julius Jones with 15pts each, but it wasn’t enough despite scoring the 3rd highest points of the week.
Toasty Beavers
The damn Beavers are warm and cozy tonight after their 4pt come from behind victory nestled them into a 3-way tie for first place in the East. Philip “Winona” Rivers led his big brown Beavers to another win to send Boston to 2-1 while dropping the Toast butter side down at 0-3. The Bubbly has gone flat on the young season for the Toast who let another close game crumble away in the final minutes. Marshawn Lynch’s 19pts had no team support as their 4 receiver lineup produced only 9pts combined.
Compton Caps the Heat
The Burger Kings went into Tempe and stole the game, along with $420,000 in merchandise, by holding off a last minute flurry from the Heat. Despite needing 17pts from four guys playing on MNF, they were unable to finish the job. Westbrook’s early injury was crucial, as his absence caused Tempe to score the least offensive points in FFLA history with 30, one week after setting the all-time high on offense. Compton returned the favor with only 37 defensive points and one player in double digits, but had just enough bullets in the chamber to finish them off. The 158 combined points scored in the game is the lowest combined production in FFLA history.
The Monkey Butts were able to squeak out a victory on Chris Chambers’ game winning TD on Monday Night. With the win the Monkeys have climbed into a tie for first place in the East, while the Nuggets remain winless at 0-3. Monee was able to win it with defense this week, setting an all time FFLA record with 61 defensive points, led DeMeco Ryans’ 14pts and salty Peanut Tillman’s 13pts. Vegas had 4 players in double digits, and their highest total output of the season, but it was not enough to claim a win.
The Killer Bunny (with the big pointy teeth)
In a horror movie twist, the Eye Candy turned out to be the killer as the Bunnies cruised to a 110-99 victory over the Monsters, led once again by Michael Turner’s 25 points. TJ Whosyomamma chipped in another 18pts and Carson City led all offenses this week with 67pts. The Gilas were led by Drew Brees and Julius Jones with 15pts each, but it wasn’t enough despite scoring the 3rd highest points of the week.
Toasty Beavers
The damn Beavers are warm and cozy tonight after their 4pt come from behind victory nestled them into a 3-way tie for first place in the East. Philip “Winona” Rivers led his big brown Beavers to another win to send Boston to 2-1 while dropping the Toast butter side down at 0-3. The Bubbly has gone flat on the young season for the Toast who let another close game crumble away in the final minutes. Marshawn Lynch’s 19pts had no team support as their 4 receiver lineup produced only 9pts combined.
Compton Caps the Heat
The Burger Kings went into Tempe and stole the game, along with $420,000 in merchandise, by holding off a last minute flurry from the Heat. Despite needing 17pts from four guys playing on MNF, they were unable to finish the job. Westbrook’s early injury was crucial, as his absence caused Tempe to score the least offensive points in FFLA history with 30, one week after setting the all-time high on offense. Compton returned the favor with only 37 defensive points and one player in double digits, but had just enough bullets in the chamber to finish them off. The 158 combined points scored in the game is the lowest combined production in FFLA history.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
WEEK 3 PREVIEWS
PACKIN' HEAT
Ain't Nuthin' But a G-Thang Baby! The Tempe Arizona Heat are gonna have to wear bullet proof vests to make it out alive. The Heat need this win to stay in first place in the West Conference. It's still early in the season but every win counts. The Heat are going to try a new play on offense called "Flamer". Can the Heat get the same production out of Cutler and Westbrook? The Burger Kings are trying a new play on offense called "Crazy Crackhead In Da Hood." Compton is hoping some of his newly acquired players can bust a cap in dat ass. Compton lost in week one and barely squeeked out a win in week 2. He needs a big win to prove he is the Original Gangsta he says he is. After the crime scene has been investigated I see the Burger Kings being found guilty of Murder.
TOASTY BEAVERS
This will be the sequel to Beavers and Butts. I hear it's not as good as the first one but I'll still rent it. Can the Toast get out of his slump and pound some Beaver all night long. Sometimes pounding a little Beaver will make you feel better after going 0 - 2 to start the season. Will the Beavers give it up so easily or will they play hard to get. Eli Manning is going to try and come from behind and pound the hell out of that Beaver. Or will Matt Bevers win with his newly acquired NBC news anchor Brian Williams. Soon he will have the entire news cast from NBC. I predict he will go with Al Roker next from weather.
MONSTERS AND BUNNIES
This sounds like a typical horror flick with some hot chicks that always go places they shouldn't go. The Gila Monsters are the killers chasin down the 1 -1 Bunnies in Week 3. There almost seems to be no escape because the lights don't work and all the doors are locked.
Pause.....for shower scene.
The Bunnies have been hurting with the slumping of Peyton Manning and TJ Houshmanzadeh. He needs those two guys to step it up or he needs a big night from Michael Turner like in Week 1. Oh but wait just one minute, it looks like LaDaninan Tomlinson and Darren McFadden may have been the first to die in this Horror movie. Both are listed as Questionable. Why is the black guy always killed first in horror movies? The Bunnies might escape from the clutches of the killer this time.
NUGGETS ARE HANGIN' LOW
When you get old your nuggets start hangin' a little lower. Mr. Osborne 's team is startin' to show the classic signs. Can he get out of his slump in Week 3 and stop draggin' his Nuggets around. Both Osborne's have obviously been sharing notes because they look like the same team sitting at 0 - 2. The Monkey Butts have been struggling at the Quarterback position. Monkeys are very erratic animals and should not be kept as pets. Adrian Peterson is questionable for week 3 and this could cost the Butts the game. Monkeys have 10 times the strength of humans in most situations but in Week 3 they look a little tired. I see Nuggets pullin' off the ground and pulling out a victory.
Ain't Nuthin' But a G-Thang Baby! The Tempe Arizona Heat are gonna have to wear bullet proof vests to make it out alive. The Heat need this win to stay in first place in the West Conference. It's still early in the season but every win counts. The Heat are going to try a new play on offense called "Flamer". Can the Heat get the same production out of Cutler and Westbrook? The Burger Kings are trying a new play on offense called "Crazy Crackhead In Da Hood." Compton is hoping some of his newly acquired players can bust a cap in dat ass. Compton lost in week one and barely squeeked out a win in week 2. He needs a big win to prove he is the Original Gangsta he says he is. After the crime scene has been investigated I see the Burger Kings being found guilty of Murder.
TOASTY BEAVERS
This will be the sequel to Beavers and Butts. I hear it's not as good as the first one but I'll still rent it. Can the Toast get out of his slump and pound some Beaver all night long. Sometimes pounding a little Beaver will make you feel better after going 0 - 2 to start the season. Will the Beavers give it up so easily or will they play hard to get. Eli Manning is going to try and come from behind and pound the hell out of that Beaver. Or will Matt Bevers win with his newly acquired NBC news anchor Brian Williams. Soon he will have the entire news cast from NBC. I predict he will go with Al Roker next from weather.
MONSTERS AND BUNNIES
This sounds like a typical horror flick with some hot chicks that always go places they shouldn't go. The Gila Monsters are the killers chasin down the 1 -1 Bunnies in Week 3. There almost seems to be no escape because the lights don't work and all the doors are locked.
Pause.....for shower scene.
The Bunnies have been hurting with the slumping of Peyton Manning and TJ Houshmanzadeh. He needs those two guys to step it up or he needs a big night from Michael Turner like in Week 1. Oh but wait just one minute, it looks like LaDaninan Tomlinson and Darren McFadden may have been the first to die in this Horror movie. Both are listed as Questionable. Why is the black guy always killed first in horror movies? The Bunnies might escape from the clutches of the killer this time.
NUGGETS ARE HANGIN' LOW
When you get old your nuggets start hangin' a little lower. Mr. Osborne 's team is startin' to show the classic signs. Can he get out of his slump in Week 3 and stop draggin' his Nuggets around. Both Osborne's have obviously been sharing notes because they look like the same team sitting at 0 - 2. The Monkey Butts have been struggling at the Quarterback position. Monkeys are very erratic animals and should not be kept as pets. Adrian Peterson is questionable for week 3 and this could cost the Butts the game. Monkeys have 10 times the strength of humans in most situations but in Week 3 they look a little tired. I see Nuggets pullin' off the ground and pulling out a victory.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
WEEK 2 RECAP
GILA MONSTERS LOVE TOAST FOR BREAKFAST
The Gilas stole Kurt Warner and Hurricane Ike stole Joe Flaaco, leaving the Toast without a starting QB. Ultimately, no starting QB is what cost the Toast the game. This was the highest scoring game of the week ,Gilas 121 and Toast 119. A last minute decision to start Darren McFadden and Anthony Gonzalez gave the Gilas 22 points. Terrell Owens and Anquan Bolden delivered some Big Time Texas Toast giving Champaign 44 points. The Gilas decision to swipe Kurt Warner from the Toast is sure to leave a bitter taste in the mouth. How will the Toast taste the next time they face each other in week 9?
BEAVERS AND BUTTS
Sounds like a low budget porno. I rented this one and it was exciting all the way until Monday Night. Marion Barber almost delivered the money shot but couldn't hit the target. The Monkey Butts lost 91 to 88. Phillip Rivers led the way with 21 points for the Beavers. Garrad contributed a dissapointing 4 points for the Monkey Butts. This was hardcore and surprisingly had a very good storyline.
DON'T APPLY HEAT TO AN INJURED BURSA SAC
The heat is on fire starting the season out 2 - 0. They burned up the field by getting 26 from Cutler and 25 from Westbrook. The Bunnies had the lowest point total but should have got points for good looks. This week Michael "The Burner" Turner got burned, only contributing 3 points. Peyton Manning should have known not to apply Heat to an injured Bursa Sac. The Heat scored the highest point total of 123 this week.
ROYAL WITH CHEESE
You know what they call a Quarter Pounder in Europe, "A Royal With Cheese." Eddie Royal came with cheese this week contributing 10 points in the last seconds of the game. Nick Folk gave the most points to the Burger Kings with 14 in an exciting Monday Night Game. The Nuggets gambled a little too much and got -4 points from 2 Greg Olsen lost fumbles. However, the Nuggest didn't go down without a fight getting 16 points from Tony Romo and 11 from Reggie Wayne. This was another close game 89 to 86.
The Gilas stole Kurt Warner and Hurricane Ike stole Joe Flaaco, leaving the Toast without a starting QB. Ultimately, no starting QB is what cost the Toast the game. This was the highest scoring game of the week ,Gilas 121 and Toast 119. A last minute decision to start Darren McFadden and Anthony Gonzalez gave the Gilas 22 points. Terrell Owens and Anquan Bolden delivered some Big Time Texas Toast giving Champaign 44 points. The Gilas decision to swipe Kurt Warner from the Toast is sure to leave a bitter taste in the mouth. How will the Toast taste the next time they face each other in week 9?
BEAVERS AND BUTTS
Sounds like a low budget porno. I rented this one and it was exciting all the way until Monday Night. Marion Barber almost delivered the money shot but couldn't hit the target. The Monkey Butts lost 91 to 88. Phillip Rivers led the way with 21 points for the Beavers. Garrad contributed a dissapointing 4 points for the Monkey Butts. This was hardcore and surprisingly had a very good storyline.
DON'T APPLY HEAT TO AN INJURED BURSA SAC
The heat is on fire starting the season out 2 - 0. They burned up the field by getting 26 from Cutler and 25 from Westbrook. The Bunnies had the lowest point total but should have got points for good looks. This week Michael "The Burner" Turner got burned, only contributing 3 points. Peyton Manning should have known not to apply Heat to an injured Bursa Sac. The Heat scored the highest point total of 123 this week.
ROYAL WITH CHEESE
You know what they call a Quarter Pounder in Europe, "A Royal With Cheese." Eddie Royal came with cheese this week contributing 10 points in the last seconds of the game. Nick Folk gave the most points to the Burger Kings with 14 in an exciting Monday Night Game. The Nuggets gambled a little too much and got -4 points from 2 Greg Olsen lost fumbles. However, the Nuggest didn't go down without a fight getting 16 points from Tony Romo and 11 from Reggie Wayne. This was another close game 89 to 86.
Friday, September 12, 2008
WEEK 2 PREVIEW
While teams were getting a feel of their rosters in Week 1, nobody likes starting out 0-2, so this is where it starts getting serious. Some teams are off to an early advantage, but the NFL is a long season and apparently you can’t have too many QB’s. Let’s see who gets busted up in Week 2.
Tempe at Carson City
The battle for supremacy in the Western conference is ON this week when Tempe travels to Carson City. The Gratto will be rocking on Sunday for its opening game like Bunnies in Heat. The “Michael Turners” come into the game with the highest scoring offense in the league even with poor performances from Payton Manning and Joe Addai, while solidification of their defense through free agency during the week may help to jump start the D. The Heat have been quiet this week after squeeking out a 1pt victory against the Nuggets in week 1. Their well-balanced attack produces solid points from every position -- except WR (1pt among 3 guys), and their defense will be key to shutting down the Bunny attack. Both teams are sporting double digit scoring kickers from week 1, so if the Heat can keep it close, the game could be decided by a field goal. Or two. Or four.
Bunnies by 11 1/2
Compton at Las Vegas
Everyone has all their limbs through week 1. That’s good news for the Kings even though they were grilled by 15 points at home in week 1. Vegas is coming off a heart breaking loss (ultimately decided by home field advantage) and look to their home crowd to return the favor. Jessica Simpson has been banned from the Nugget luxury boxes until further notice, so Tony Romo should improve on last week’s uninspired performance. Compton looks to smother the Nuggets with their intimidating defense, which outscored their offense by 15 points last week. Compton hopes to get a big lead early to allow their QB clan to get to the buffet before the 4:30pm senior citizen dinner rush. This is shaping up to be the closest matchup of the week, but if I had to bet…
Burger Kings by 2
Boston at Monee
It’s worst against first as the Monkey Butts head home boasting the highest scoring output from week 1 to face the Beavers who put up the lowest week 1 point total. The Beavers are hoping a change at QB and RB will help the team, with Philip Rivers and Will Forte’s brother Matt both promoted to the starting lineup for week 2. Ted Ginn Jr. hopes to actually help his team this week, after a -2 point output last week, otherwise the Beavers might be better off going with a 1 WR lineup in week 3.
Monee fans are excited about the opening of U.S. Butt Powder Stadium, located next to THE McDonalds, right past THE stop light, and hope the high powered duo of Barber and Peterson can run the Beavers up a creek on their way to 2-0.
Monee by 25
Cal City at Champaign
This is the first week of the rest of our lives. After the smoke cleared on week 1 and the funeral processions ended, the Burnt Toast had to move on with the remainder of their season. “Let’s win in for ‘ol Tom Boy” is the new slogan seen in and around Champaign. As of yet no successor has been named to replace Brady at QB, and the team feels that he was such a significant player in Toast history that no one may be able to ever take his place, so why bother trying. In memory of Tom Terrific, there will be an hour of silence prior to Sunday’s game, a 621 gun salute, and the QB position may remain vacant throughout the game to honor his absence. As for the Gila Monsters, the presence of 5 QB’s on the sidelines and in the game may be deemed offensive to the home crowd, so security has been heightened for the game. Kurt Warner, the newest Gila may even be part of their 5-man “pitching rotation”, rotating in on 1st, 2nd, 3rd downs, handling the offensive line blocking duties, placeholding on field goals and fetching water for the other players and coaches. With the plethora of options this week the Gilas should have no problem winning handily, however, the kids from Champaign will be playing their hearts out in honor of their fallen leader.
Gila Monsters by 10
Tempe at Carson City
The battle for supremacy in the Western conference is ON this week when Tempe travels to Carson City. The Gratto will be rocking on Sunday for its opening game like Bunnies in Heat. The “Michael Turners” come into the game with the highest scoring offense in the league even with poor performances from Payton Manning and Joe Addai, while solidification of their defense through free agency during the week may help to jump start the D. The Heat have been quiet this week after squeeking out a 1pt victory against the Nuggets in week 1. Their well-balanced attack produces solid points from every position -- except WR (1pt among 3 guys), and their defense will be key to shutting down the Bunny attack. Both teams are sporting double digit scoring kickers from week 1, so if the Heat can keep it close, the game could be decided by a field goal. Or two. Or four.
Bunnies by 11 1/2
Compton at Las Vegas
Everyone has all their limbs through week 1. That’s good news for the Kings even though they were grilled by 15 points at home in week 1. Vegas is coming off a heart breaking loss (ultimately decided by home field advantage) and look to their home crowd to return the favor. Jessica Simpson has been banned from the Nugget luxury boxes until further notice, so Tony Romo should improve on last week’s uninspired performance. Compton looks to smother the Nuggets with their intimidating defense, which outscored their offense by 15 points last week. Compton hopes to get a big lead early to allow their QB clan to get to the buffet before the 4:30pm senior citizen dinner rush. This is shaping up to be the closest matchup of the week, but if I had to bet…
Burger Kings by 2
Boston at Monee
It’s worst against first as the Monkey Butts head home boasting the highest scoring output from week 1 to face the Beavers who put up the lowest week 1 point total. The Beavers are hoping a change at QB and RB will help the team, with Philip Rivers and Will Forte’s brother Matt both promoted to the starting lineup for week 2. Ted Ginn Jr. hopes to actually help his team this week, after a -2 point output last week, otherwise the Beavers might be better off going with a 1 WR lineup in week 3.
Monee fans are excited about the opening of U.S. Butt Powder Stadium, located next to THE McDonalds, right past THE stop light, and hope the high powered duo of Barber and Peterson can run the Beavers up a creek on their way to 2-0.
Monee by 25
Cal City at Champaign
This is the first week of the rest of our lives. After the smoke cleared on week 1 and the funeral processions ended, the Burnt Toast had to move on with the remainder of their season. “Let’s win in for ‘ol Tom Boy” is the new slogan seen in and around Champaign. As of yet no successor has been named to replace Brady at QB, and the team feels that he was such a significant player in Toast history that no one may be able to ever take his place, so why bother trying. In memory of Tom Terrific, there will be an hour of silence prior to Sunday’s game, a 621 gun salute, and the QB position may remain vacant throughout the game to honor his absence. As for the Gila Monsters, the presence of 5 QB’s on the sidelines and in the game may be deemed offensive to the home crowd, so security has been heightened for the game. Kurt Warner, the newest Gila may even be part of their 5-man “pitching rotation”, rotating in on 1st, 2nd, 3rd downs, handling the offensive line blocking duties, placeholding on field goals and fetching water for the other players and coaches. With the plethora of options this week the Gilas should have no problem winning handily, however, the kids from Champaign will be playing their hearts out in honor of their fallen leader.
Gila Monsters by 10
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
WEEK 1 RECAP
WEEK 1 RECAP
Monkey Butts Burn The Toast
The burnt toast could be smelt throughout the stadium and set off all smoke alarms in a 5 mile radius. The Monkey Butts scored the most points in FFLA league history with 112. The Toast suffered a major loss to injury when Tom Brady was put on IR with a knee injury early in the game. With Tom Brady gone the Toast don't look like they will be toasting anyone anytime soon. Anything is possible this early in the season so don't count out the toast.
Who would win a fight between a Beaver and a Gila Monster?
The answer is obvious.........Gila Monster. The Gilas stomped all over the Boston Bagadouches 91- 79, scoring the 3rd most points in FFLA history. Drew Brees and DeMarcus Ware were the top scorers for the Gilas. The Beavers were led by Reggie Bush and Rodney Harrison. The Beavers sent an email recently expressing his disgust with his loss. Matt Forte ran for 123 yards and 1 TD but the Beavers never started him. Can the Beavers stop being such bagadouches and start winning?
Bunnies and Gangsters....Sounds like one hell of a party!
The Bunnies used their sex appeal to "Have It Their Way" with the Compton Burger Kings. The Kings melted in the palm of their hands losing 103 - 88. The Bunnies scored the second most points in FFLA league history led by Michael "The Burner" Turner with 26 points. Mr. Turner scored the most points by one player in FFLA History. Unfortunately for the Kings, Donovan McNabb was sitting on the bench while he threw for 360 plus yards and 3 TDs. At least The Burger Kings scored the most defensive points in FFLA league history.
DESERT STORM
The closest game in FFLA league history...........Heat 85 and Nuggets 84. This is the first time a game was decided by home field advantage points. Brian Westbrook led the Heat with 15 points. The Nuggets were led by Reggie Wayne with 12 points. The game originally looked to be won by the Nuggest until the Heat caught a scoring error which put him back in the game. The Heat will have to face the Nuggets one more time in week 8 in Las Vegas. Can we expect another nail biter?
Monkey Butts Burn The Toast
The burnt toast could be smelt throughout the stadium and set off all smoke alarms in a 5 mile radius. The Monkey Butts scored the most points in FFLA league history with 112. The Toast suffered a major loss to injury when Tom Brady was put on IR with a knee injury early in the game. With Tom Brady gone the Toast don't look like they will be toasting anyone anytime soon. Anything is possible this early in the season so don't count out the toast.
Who would win a fight between a Beaver and a Gila Monster?
The answer is obvious.........Gila Monster. The Gilas stomped all over the Boston Bagadouches 91- 79, scoring the 3rd most points in FFLA history. Drew Brees and DeMarcus Ware were the top scorers for the Gilas. The Beavers were led by Reggie Bush and Rodney Harrison. The Beavers sent an email recently expressing his disgust with his loss. Matt Forte ran for 123 yards and 1 TD but the Beavers never started him. Can the Beavers stop being such bagadouches and start winning?
Bunnies and Gangsters....Sounds like one hell of a party!
The Bunnies used their sex appeal to "Have It Their Way" with the Compton Burger Kings. The Kings melted in the palm of their hands losing 103 - 88. The Bunnies scored the second most points in FFLA league history led by Michael "The Burner" Turner with 26 points. Mr. Turner scored the most points by one player in FFLA History. Unfortunately for the Kings, Donovan McNabb was sitting on the bench while he threw for 360 plus yards and 3 TDs. At least The Burger Kings scored the most defensive points in FFLA league history.
DESERT STORM
The closest game in FFLA league history...........Heat 85 and Nuggets 84. This is the first time a game was decided by home field advantage points. Brian Westbrook led the Heat with 15 points. The Nuggets were led by Reggie Wayne with 12 points. The game originally looked to be won by the Nuggest until the Heat caught a scoring error which put him back in the game. The Heat will have to face the Nuggets one more time in week 8 in Las Vegas. Can we expect another nail biter?
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Week 1 Preview
Week 1 Preview
Since it’s Week 1 and everyone’s team looks like a championship team now, it would be impossible to determine winners to these matchups, so I will spare everyone the mental letdown of being predicted to lose their opening game. All I can say right now is 4 teams will no longer be undefeated come Tuesday. Other than that, it’s a crap shoot.
Carson City at Compton
The Bunnies travel into the inner city for their opening weekend, trying to avoid a shot in the leg loss to start their season. The prettiest Bunny of them all, Peyton Manning, is hoping his Bursa Sac holds up long enough to lead his team to victory. After a defensive team meeting, Asante Samuel and his Bursa Sac have agreed to give up one of his starting lineup spots to let teammate Ed Reed start the game at the Rover position rather than allowing Samuel to start at both positions. The Bunnies hope this gives them more flexability on defense, since Samuel would not be required to guard 2 men in their man-to-man sets.
The Burger Kings hope to have it their way behind their QB “youngster” Big Ben. The Compton fans are eagerly anticipating “QB 40” night this weekend with the give away of 40-ounce bottles of King Kobra, in tribute to the Burger Kings slew of almost 40-something QBs. Compton will not return home again until Week 4 against the Toast, when they will be promoting “cap to da knee” night, in tribute to all of their running backs’ surgically repaired knees.
Las Vegas at Tempe
The Nuggets should be a good bet to do well this season, with 2/3 of their 32 man roster in their contract year. The Romo to Wayne connection looks to be their bread and butter this year (and will make up nearly half the remaining roster in 2009), but depth should not be a problem for them even with 2 of their wideouts out of commission to start the season. The Nuggets will travel through the desert to Tempe in an attempt to beat the Arizona Heat where early September temperatures could reach triple digits by game time.
The Arizona Heat burned up free agency this offseason, firing off 15 FA transactions within the first hour. Now that all their binging & purging is complete, the team will be looking to capitalize on their newly acquired players, behind their solid veteran running back Bryan Westbrook. Will all the roster changes equate to victories, or will the lack of team continuity cause them to fall down at the 1 with a wide open end zone?
Boston at Cal City
The Beavers are looking to prove that “less is more” when they travel to Cal City to play the Gila Monsters this weekend. Their wise cracking, hands-off owner is putting the ownership on his players with the belief that all the pieces are already in place for a championship season—once they acquire a second Defensive Lineman. Led by SNL cast member Will Forte’s brother, Matt, and To Catch a Predator star Chris Hanson’s twin brother, Chris, the damn Beavers are looking to post a victory in week 1, but more importantly, get out of the game without any injuries.
The Gilas are boasting the #1 fantasy back over the past few seasons, along with the #1 rookie back from the 2008 draft. Add in top 5 rated QB Drew Brees and the Gilas are set to stick their tongue out at the competition. But games can be won or lost on both sides of the ball, so they will need to make sure their Lance Briggs led defense doesn’t demolish what their Lamborghini-esque offense creates.
Monee at Champaign
The Monkey Butts will take a trip down I57 to play in one of the league’s toughest stadiums “The Toaster” for this weekend’s matchup. Last year’s rookie sensation Adrian Peterson will attempt to repeat what he did last year while Carson Palmer looks to rebound from a disappointing 2007 season. Monee hopes to get a good showing in Week 1 to take advantage of defensive leader Mike Brown’s one healthy game of the year.
The Toast are led by golden boy Tom Brady and (the opposite of golden boy) Terrell Owens who look to burn defenses throughout the season. With Paul “championship” Puzluzny on defense and MVP candidate and team captain Andy Lee handling the punting duties, the boys from Champaign are looking like butta going into Week 1. Like a big stick of butta.
Since it’s Week 1 and everyone’s team looks like a championship team now, it would be impossible to determine winners to these matchups, so I will spare everyone the mental letdown of being predicted to lose their opening game. All I can say right now is 4 teams will no longer be undefeated come Tuesday. Other than that, it’s a crap shoot.
Carson City at Compton
The Bunnies travel into the inner city for their opening weekend, trying to avoid a shot in the leg loss to start their season. The prettiest Bunny of them all, Peyton Manning, is hoping his Bursa Sac holds up long enough to lead his team to victory. After a defensive team meeting, Asante Samuel and his Bursa Sac have agreed to give up one of his starting lineup spots to let teammate Ed Reed start the game at the Rover position rather than allowing Samuel to start at both positions. The Bunnies hope this gives them more flexability on defense, since Samuel would not be required to guard 2 men in their man-to-man sets.
The Burger Kings hope to have it their way behind their QB “youngster” Big Ben. The Compton fans are eagerly anticipating “QB 40” night this weekend with the give away of 40-ounce bottles of King Kobra, in tribute to the Burger Kings slew of almost 40-something QBs. Compton will not return home again until Week 4 against the Toast, when they will be promoting “cap to da knee” night, in tribute to all of their running backs’ surgically repaired knees.
Las Vegas at Tempe
The Nuggets should be a good bet to do well this season, with 2/3 of their 32 man roster in their contract year. The Romo to Wayne connection looks to be their bread and butter this year (and will make up nearly half the remaining roster in 2009), but depth should not be a problem for them even with 2 of their wideouts out of commission to start the season. The Nuggets will travel through the desert to Tempe in an attempt to beat the Arizona Heat where early September temperatures could reach triple digits by game time.
The Arizona Heat burned up free agency this offseason, firing off 15 FA transactions within the first hour. Now that all their binging & purging is complete, the team will be looking to capitalize on their newly acquired players, behind their solid veteran running back Bryan Westbrook. Will all the roster changes equate to victories, or will the lack of team continuity cause them to fall down at the 1 with a wide open end zone?
Boston at Cal City
The Beavers are looking to prove that “less is more” when they travel to Cal City to play the Gila Monsters this weekend. Their wise cracking, hands-off owner is putting the ownership on his players with the belief that all the pieces are already in place for a championship season—once they acquire a second Defensive Lineman. Led by SNL cast member Will Forte’s brother, Matt, and To Catch a Predator star Chris Hanson’s twin brother, Chris, the damn Beavers are looking to post a victory in week 1, but more importantly, get out of the game without any injuries.
The Gilas are boasting the #1 fantasy back over the past few seasons, along with the #1 rookie back from the 2008 draft. Add in top 5 rated QB Drew Brees and the Gilas are set to stick their tongue out at the competition. But games can be won or lost on both sides of the ball, so they will need to make sure their Lance Briggs led defense doesn’t demolish what their Lamborghini-esque offense creates.
Monee at Champaign
The Monkey Butts will take a trip down I57 to play in one of the league’s toughest stadiums “The Toaster” for this weekend’s matchup. Last year’s rookie sensation Adrian Peterson will attempt to repeat what he did last year while Carson Palmer looks to rebound from a disappointing 2007 season. Monee hopes to get a good showing in Week 1 to take advantage of defensive leader Mike Brown’s one healthy game of the year.
The Toast are led by golden boy Tom Brady and (the opposite of golden boy) Terrell Owens who look to burn defenses throughout the season. With Paul “championship” Puzluzny on defense and MVP candidate and team captain Andy Lee handling the punting duties, the boys from Champaign are looking like butta going into Week 1. Like a big stick of butta.
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